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Cheeky statement but true.
"Don't lost hope. When the sun goes down, the stars come out."
"Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes of the goal." E. Joseph Cossman
"Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections." Maryanne Williams 
"Obstacles can't stop you. Problems can't stop you. Most of all, other people can't stop you. ONLY YOU can stop you." J. Gitomer
"Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack." 
"You know you are on the road to success, if you would do your job and not be paid for it."
Oprah Winfrey 
"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." Buddha
"Make each day count."
"Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count." Albert Einstein
"I believe in the person I want to become."
(Just as a side note, this is not to say don't believe in who you are now, but to believe you can become the person you want. Both aspects are wonderful.)
"Stop wishing, start doing." 
"The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have."
"May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand." 
"Be your own inspiration."
"The fact that you're alive is amazing, so you don't get to say 'I'm bored'." 
"Unlimited thoughts become unlimited realities. Keep the way you think, and you keep the same limited reality. Change the way you think, and reality becomes unlimited."
Roxana Jones
"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor."
"Breathe"
"Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."
Albert Einstein 
"Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change." 
“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you
right. Forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.†Harvey MacKay 
"Be kind. Work hard. Stay humble. Smile Often. Keep honest. Stay loyal. Travel when possible. Never stop learning. Be thankful always. Love always.
"Life goes on...Whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown. Or stay behind, locked in the past, thinking of what could've been."
"Life is so much brighter when we focus on what truly matters." 
"Every second brings a fresh beginning. Every hour holds a new promise. Every night our dreams can bring hope. Every day is what you choose to make it." 
"Your life is a result of the choices you make. If you don't like your life, it is time to start making better choices." 
"If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to fight. Fight for what's right. Fight for what you believe in, what's important to you. But most importantly, fight for the ones you love, and never forget to tell anyone how much they mean to you while they're still alive."
"Celebrate the infinite nature of love. Remember to live the love and to love the life!" 
"Wishing you peace, love and happiness at Easter and always." 
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."
Albert Einstein
"We learn something from everyone who passes through our lives. Some lessons are painful, some are painless, but all are priceless." 
"Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments." Rose Kennedy
"I've seen better days, but I've also seen worse. I don't have everything that I want, but I do have all I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect but I am blessed." from 'Lessons Leaned in Life' 
"May your spirit soar throughout the vast cathedral of your being. May your mind whirl joyful cartwheels of creativity. May your heart sing sweet lullabies of timelessness."
Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
"If life was easy, where would all the adventures be?" 
"Seven Steps to Happiness:
Think less, feel more.
Frown less, smile more.
Talk less, listen more.
Judge less, accept more.
Watch less, do more.
Complain less, appreciate more.
Fear less, love more." 
"Cherish yesterday. Dream tomorrow. Live today." Richard Bach
"When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen. 
"Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect."
"Read this slowly: LIFEISNOWHERE
What did you read? 'life is no where' or 'life is now here'
My friends, life is all about how we look at it!" 
"Find your joy and share it with others."
"Do not give up. The beginning is always the hardest."
"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." Lord Bryon
"Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts."
"Success equals doing the best that you can with what you have! Every single day!" 
"The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense."
"Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, 'Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!'? She was having contractions." 
"Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end." 
"When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said 'Name two pronouns.' I said, 'Who, me?'"
"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking."
Marcus Aurelius 
"Never give up. There is no such thing as an ending. Just a new beginning." 
"Stay positive, work hard, and make it happen." 
"Don't make 'hope' your business plan. It's not enough to want it. You have to work it.!"
Mary Christensen
In honor of Earth Day!
"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."
"Every mountain top is within reach if you just keep climbing." Harry Finlay
"Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future."
"Dream big and dare to fail." Norman Vaughan
"Find beauty in the small things." 
"Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished." Confucius
"Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." Winston Churchill 
"If you believe it will work out, you'll see opportunities. If you believe it won't, you will see obstacles." Wayne Dyer
"The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell." 
"Let your faith be bigger than your fear." 
"If you learn to work with all the negatives in life, you will definitely make better pictures out of it."
"Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change." 
"Push harder than yesterday if you want a different tomorrow."
"Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value." Albert Einstein
"Don't waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you."
H. Jackson Brown Jr.
"There will be haters. There will be doubters. There will be non-believers, and then there will be you, proving them wrong." 
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up." Thomas A. Edison
"They can because they think they can." 
"The longer you wait for the future, the shorter it will be." Loesje
"Regret is not when you could not finish what you started but regret is when you do not start what you could have finished." Apoorve Dubey 
"My mom is a never ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune."
"Nothing is really lost till Mom can't find it."
"Mamas, you may not be perfect, but you ARE enough...for your kids, for your husband, for your family."
"5 Lessons in Life from Dr. Seuss
1. Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
2. Why fit in when you were born to stand out?
3. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
4. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
5. Today I shall behave, as if this is the day I will be remembered." 
"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you." Ralph Waldo Emerson 
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant."
Robert Louis Stevenson 
"Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder." Rumi 
"Success equals doing the best you can with what you have. Every single day."
"Never neglect the little things. Never skimp on that extra effort, that additional few minutes, that soft word of praise or thanks, that delivery of the very best that you can do. It does not matter what others think; it is of prime importance, however, what you think about you. You can never do your best, which should always be your trademark, if you are cutting corners and shirking responsibilities. You are special. Act it. Never neglect the little things." Og Mandino 
"Someone once told me not to bite off more than I could chew. I said I'd rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity." 
"Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put its failures behind and start over again. That's the way life is, with a new game every day, and that's the way baseball is." Bob Feller 
"Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing." Hunter S. Thompson
"Attitude is far more important than what happened to your past or what will be your future. Being who you are is what matters, not what you've done or will do." 
"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible."
Arthur C. Clarke
"Blame is a condition of the mind where love is a condition of the heart. Choose to live your life from the heart." Dianne Adams 
"In the depth of winter, I found that within me lies an invincible summer." Albert Camus
"Dream big and dare to fail." Norman Vaughan 
"Every day may not be good, but there is good in every day." 
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." Arthur Ashe 
"Know in your heart that all things are possible. We couldn't conceive of a miracle if none had ever happened." Libbie Fudim 
"The earth has music for those who listen." Shakespeare 
"Don't worry about failures. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try." Jack Canfield 
"Let us make our future now, and let us make our dreams tomorrow's reality." Malala Yousafzai 
"Change your thoughts and you change your world." Norman Vincent Peale 
"The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest." 
"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long." 
"Know yourself, you are unique, priceless and a gift to this world." Apoorve Dubey
"We are not a team because we work together. We are a team because we respect, trust, and care for each other." 
"Go the extra mile. It's never crowded." 
"Fall seven times, stand up eight." Stephen Bush 
"Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever." Walt Disney 
"Believe that you will succeed and you will." Dale Carnegie 
"Dear haters, I couldn't help but notice that 'awesome' ends with 'me' and 'ugly' starts with 'u'." 
"Don't think about what can happen in a month. Don't think about what can happen in a year. Focus on the 24 hours in front of you & do what you can to get closer to where you want to be." 
"Opportunity follows struggle. It follows effort. It follows hard work. It doesn't come before." Shelby Steele
"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." Winston Churchill 
"Learn to let things go you cannot control." 
"It always seems impossible until it's done." 
New meaning to cat burglar.
"Don't complain about things you're not willing to change."
"Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard for it." 
"Ditch those "I can't's". Dump those "Why me's". Drop those "If only's". Then listen. Hear that? It's the sound of I can! I will! Watch me!" Karen Salmansohn 
"Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have or do." Brian Tracy 
"Stay strong. Stand up. Have a voice." Shawn Johnson 
"Devote yourself to the idea. Go make it happen. Struggle on it. Overcome your fears, smile. Don't forget: This is your dream." 
"Attitude is far more important than what happened to your past or what will be your future. Being who you are is what matters, not what you've done or will do." 
"When you start helping yourself, you start the process of becoming your own inspiration. How inspiring are you with yourself? If you're not, why?" Ron W. Rathbun 
"Don't lose hope. When the sun goes down, the starts come out." 
"Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. Swami Sivananda 
"The quieter you become, the more you can hear." Ram Dass 
"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." Maya Angelou 
"I dare you, while there is still time, to have a magnificent obsession." William Danforth
"You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens." Mandy Hale 
"Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine." Mario Fernadez 
"Change your thoughts and you change your world." Norman Vincent Peale 
"The only thing that hurts harder than a failure is not trying." Apoorve Dubey 
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Confucius 
"The road to success is not a path you find but a trail you blaze." Robert Brault 
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." James Neil Hollingworth 
"While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior." Henry C. Link 
"A year from now you may wish you had started today." Karen Lamb 
"To get up when you are down; to fight more intensely when you are struggling; to put in the extra effort when you in sheer pain; to comeback when nobody expects you to; and to stand tall when everyone is pulling you down are what make a champion." Appoorve Dubey 
"Do not wait for your ship to come in. Swim out to it."
"Life goes on...Whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown. Or stay behind, locked in the past, thinking of what could've been." 
"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell
"Your big opportunity may be right where you are now." Napoleon Hill
"Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago." Warren Buffett
"The only thing that stands between you and your dream is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible." Joel Brown 
"I've learned a lot this year...I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you." 
"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." Lou Holtz 
"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it but that it is too low and we reach it." Michelangelo
"You are capable of amazing things."
"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." Andre Gide
"When you learn your worth, you will stop giving people discounts."
"We're not getting old. We're getting awesome!"
"Don't be afraid of change, because it is leading you to a new beginning." Joyce Meyer
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." James Neil Hollingworth
"Go on. Do it now!"
"You must do the things you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt
"One of the greatest mental freedoms is truly not caring what anyone else thinks of you."
"The best thing about the future is that it come one day at a time." Abraham Lincoln
"This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days. Smiles when sadness intrudes. Rainbows to follow the clouds. Laughter to kiss your lips. Sunsets to warm your hearts. Hugs when spirits sag. Beauty for the eyes to see. Friendships to brighten your being. Faith so that you can believe. Confidence for when you doubt. Courage to know yourself. Patience to accept the truth. Love to complete your life."
"We see things not as they are, but as we are." H.M. Tomlinson
"Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people."
"They'll never stop trying to find us, you know."
"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and sits softly on your shoulder." Henry David Thoreau
"I keep a nude painting of myself in my living room. Laugh if you want, but it sure keeps company from dropping by."
"Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself."
"I don't come with voice-activation, do you?"
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched--they must be felt with the heart." Helen Keller
"Yeah, I hate it when I can't get a song out of my head."
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." Jimmy Dean
"I never camp out overnight. I figure snakes don't sleep in my room, I won't sleep in theirs."
"Aren't you glad that we don't look like what we've been through?"
"Based on all the head tilts, maybe I'd better explain this again…)
"Love yourself. Accept yourself. Forgive yourself. And be good to yourself….because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things." Leo F. Buscaglia
"Your husband is lucky, ma'am. I've never heard of a snail who survived drinking a margarita."
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." Lucille Ball
"I don't know for sure but I suspect the new neighbor…"
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." Les Brown
"The leaves have started changing colors. Which reminds me, I need to clean out the refrigerator."
"You don't have to stop having fun when you old. You get old when you stop having fun."
"Eastern philosophy is two summits over. This here's cowboy philosophy."
"If ever there was a time to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, now is certainly that time."
"What we are today is result of our own past actions; Whatever we wish to be in future depends on our present actions; Decide how you have to act now. We are responsible for what we are, whatever we wish ourselves to be. We have the power to make ourselves."
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" Mary Anne Radmacher
"If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results." Jack Dixon
"pre-rinse cycle"
"Rise up. Start fresh. See the bright opportunity in each new day."
"Of course I have junk in my trunk…I haven't cleaned my car out in years!"
"Ships in harbour are safe, but that's not what ships are built for." John Shedd
"Um…Let's say the kidney fell on the floor. Does the five second rule apply?"
"No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up."
"Yup, that's my job…I can't think of anything more humiliating….I'm so ashamed. By the way, what do you do?" (box of kleenex talking to a roll of toilet paper)
"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."
"I could start my Christmas shopping now, but then what would I do on Christmas Eve?"
"Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections." Margaret Woodhouse
"Would you like to keep it as a souvenir?" Instead of a brain, the scarecrow opts for liposuction.
"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you!" Dr Seuss
"Here's the awkward part of the date….Do I shake her paw or sniff her goodnight?"
"Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success." Swami Sivananda
"Vampires sleep all day, fly wherever they want for free, and can't see themselves in a mirror. Where do I sign?"
"Sometimes I forget to thank the people who make my life happy in so many ways. Sometimes I forget to tell them how much I really do appreciate them for being an important part of my life. So thank you, all of you, just for being here for me."
"How long did you say it's been since your last checkup?"
"Do something today that your future self will thank you for."
"Whoops, sorry Earl."
"Let your smile change the world. Not the world change your smile."
"Marshmallow chicks….sounds like a club I could qualify to join."
"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it." Buddha
"I got tired of the glare…"
"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place." Nora Roberts
"OK, it works. Now we wait for dinner."
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." Milton Berle
"I've got the paramedics on speed dial, and the defibrillator is all charged up…Let's rock baby!"
"A river cuts through rock, not because of it power, but because of its persistence." Jim Watkins
"Bought a new refrigerator with a water dispenser in the door. Now I just need to hook it up to my box of wine."
"Appreciate those who love you. Help those who need you. Forgive those who hurt you. Forget those who leave you."
"Don't try to convince me you're ending up with all the caramels by accident…"
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose." Dr. Seuss
"oh, these two? I don't know. Looks like a couple of my kid's legos."
"Happiness often sneaks in a door you did not think was open."
"The chicken was promoted to the cashier position because he had the entire price list memorized."
"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor."
"I finally found a diet plan that really works. It's called 'The Price of Food'."
"Believing in yourself is the first secret to success."
"Yes, of course…but what have you built lately?"
"I will not say I failed 1000 times. I will say that I discovered there are 1000 ways that can cause failure…" Thomas Edison
"This new book of spells made the best cellars list!"
"It's not about being the best. It's about being better than you were yesterday."
"I put my right foot in….I put my right foot out…I did the Hokey Pokey and my hip popped right on out."
"No matter how many times I break down, there is always a little piece of me that says…No, you're not done yet. Get Back UP!!"
"I think I must be wearing a 'wonder where they went' bra."
"If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill
"He wants our relationship to be free range…"
"Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE. The word itself say, I'M POSSIBLE!" Audrey Hepburn
"Human Obedience School Graduation"
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain."
"You know you're old when you show up at the doctor's office at 5am for your 10am appointment."
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." Maria Robinson
"Sometimes work can seem thankless, hectic, and pointless. But then other times, it's the weekend."
"Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
"Watching ghost hunters again?"
"We grow when we look fear in the face and do it ANYWAY!!!"
"The food is great, but the ambience has something to be desired…"
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up." Thomas A. Edison
"I'm pretty sure you're looking for the wolfman, three doors down. I'm the man wolf. No worries. Common mistake."
"You are stronger than you seem, braver than you believe, and smarter than you think."
"How many times must I tell you not to wear shorts to work? Do you want the customers to see your leg restraints?"
"If you lose yourself in quest of something, you invariably get it." Apoorve Dubey
"We're either at the wrong presentation, or the post-Steve Jobs era is looking grim, now."
"Don't stop believing!"
"Employee Contest: Wear your scariest Halloween costume!"
"Obstacles can't stop you. Problems can't stop you. Most of all, other people can't stop you. ONLY YOU can stop you." J. Gitomer
"You know, we've been secretly visiting them for years at Star Trek conventions, and nobody's caught onto us yet."
"Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack."
"This one comes with a reinforced steel heel…Perfect for killing spiders and bonking husbands."
"You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job and not be paid for it." Oprah Winfrey
"With all the pushing and shoving to grab this year's doorbusters, they ought to call it Black and Blue Friday."
"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most."
"Grumpy Cat's horrible nightmare"
"Make each day count."
"There! You're ready to launch your political campaign!"
"Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count." Albert Einstein
"If you're going to skip rope with your grandchildren you should wear a bra."
"I believe in the person I want to become."
"I won't get up to change the channel, but I'll turn an entire room upside down looking for the remote."
"Breathe"
"I love it!"
"Stop wishing. Start doing."
"I'm off of carbs."
"The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have."
"Life was boring around the old folks home until Gert and Tillie started spiking the water supply with Viagra."
"Be your own Inspiration"
"If you're not supposed to stick Q-tips in your ears, what the hell are they for?"
"The fact that you're alive is amazing, so you don't get to say 'I'm bored.'"
"Easter was last week? No, of course I didn't forget. I just hid the eggs so well no one could find them."
"Unlimited thoughts become unlimited realities. Keep the way you think, and you keep the same limited reality. Change the way you think, and reality becomes unlimited." Roxana Jones
"I give the kid a couple of bucks to stop by once a week to delete my messages."
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." Albert Einstein
"How about a couple of sliders for lunch?"
"Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change."
"A lot of my co-workers have already retired….they just haven't told their boss yet."
"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy. They just said it would be worth it."
"Don't make me exercise; I'm in the fitness protection programme!"
"Be kind. Work hard. Stay humble. Smile often. Keep honest. Stay loyal. Travel when possible. Never stop learning. Be thankful always and love."
"I'll take constipation for 100, Alex!"
"Happiness is something that we decide ourselves. There are a lot of reasons to be unhappy but we choose to be happy because it makes us feel alive!"
"I'll be live-tweeting all night from my 'Addicted to Twitter' support group. #TWIT"
"Be kind. Work hard. Stay humble. Smile often. Stay loyal. Be honest. Travel when possible. Never stop learning. Love always."
"Dude! I said a little to the left!" (Another reason Pinocchio wished to be a real boy.)
"You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life."
"The guy in the yellow shirt should check his triglycerides…"
"Life is so much brighter when we focus on what truly matters…"
"We gotta figure out how to shut this thing off!"
"Every second brings a fresh beginning. Every hour holds a new promise. Every night our dreams can bring hope and every day is what you choose to make it."
"If I could put last year into perspective..I'd put that perspective into a truck and drive it over a cliff."
"Your life is a result of the choices you make. If you don't like your life, it is time to start making better choices."
"I used to think fresh air was free until I bought a bag of potato chips."
"If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to fight. Fight for what's right. Fight for what you believe in, what's important to you. But most importantly, fight for the ones you love and never forget to tell anyone how much they mean to you while they're still alive."
"Bill appreciated the Marilyn Monroe themed birthday surprise….just not from his Nana."
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." Albert Einstein
"Can I have your address, phone number, email, your mother's maiden name, a sample of your dna, your date of birth and…" "Uh..but I'm just trying to buy a pack of gum!"
"We learn something from everyone who passes through our lives. Some lessons are painful, some are painless, but all are priceless."
"Sign on table: We serve only the freshest wild caught salmon"
"Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments." Rose Kennedy
"He's a lot calmer when I leave the house now that he can follow me."
"I've seen better day, but I've also seen worse. I don't have everything that I want, but I do have all I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect but I am blessed."
"Well, this is awkward."
"May your spirit soar throughout the vast cathedral of your being. May your mind whirl joyful cartwheels of creativity. May your heart sing sweet lullabies of timelessness." Jonathan Lockwood Hule
"My status update? Is 'alive' good enough for ya?"
"If life was easy where would all the adventures be?"
"I'm on a light diet. I eat by daylight, I eat by moonlight, and I sometimes eat by refrigerator light."
"7 Steps to Happiness: Think less, feel more. Frown less, smile more. Talk less, listen more. Judge less, accept more. Watch less, do more. Complain less, appreciate more. Fear less, love more."
"Uh oh, lawyers and beneficiaries are gathering overhead. Looks like someone's fixin' to die."
"Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you lessons and best people give you memories."
"Performance review: Okay, you brought the plague to Europe, then nothing for a while. Then you introduced kale to the world. I'll admit, that was a pretty good one, but what evil have you done lately?"
"Cherish yesterday. Dream tomorrow. Live today." Richard Bach
Insert: "Used widely by professional meteorologists, this amazing, technologically advanced device is able to forecast the weather with an astonishing accuracy rate of fifty percent!"
"When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen."
"Don't worry. I almost caught the fly."
"Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect."
"Now, Bingo, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way."
"Read this slowly. LIFEISNOWHERE What did you read? 'life is no where' or 'life is now here' My friends, life is all about how we look at it!!!"
"The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared."
"Find your joy, and share it with others!"
"I've just burned 3000 calories. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven."
"Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest."
"Having survived the shipwreck, Pinocchio finds himself alone in beaver-infested waters."
"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." Lord Byron
"Yes, I'd like to report some suspicious activity. There's a dude not talking on his phone and not looking at his iPad. He's just walking down the street--and smiling!"
"Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts."
"Distinct advantages of being the Scarecrow: No brain freeze"
"8 Things to give up: Doubting yourself. Negative thinking. Fear of failure. Criticising yourself and others. Negative self talk. Procrastination. Fear of success. People pleasing."
"God makes Bart Simson." "And you thought it was Matt Groening."
"Happy Thanksgiving. A recipe for a thankful heart: one cup of true love, two cups of kindness, three cups of grace, a teaspoon of patience and forgiveness, and just a pinch of zest for living. That's the kind of thanksgiving meal we're cooking in our lives together!"
"May your stuffing be tasty, May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!"
"When making Thanksgiving dinner, do your giblets end up in the gravy? Or do you wear a bra when you cook?"
"I meant pass me the stuffing from the turkey!"
"Don't forget to set your scales back ten pounds this week."
"Success=Doing the best that you can with what you have! Every single day!"
"The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense."
"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." Marcus Aurelius
"Not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy twinkies."
"Never give up. There is no such thing as an ending. Just a new beginning."
"To the mall!" "On a windy day Gert and Tilley were able to beat the home's shuttle bus by a half hour."
"Stay positive, work hard, and make it happen."
"At over two dollars, a cup of Joe should at least go by 'Joseph'."
"Don't make 'hope' your business plan. It's not enough to want. You have to work it!" Mary Christensen
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put cupcakes on the floor."
"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."
"Where'd you end up?"
"Every mountain top is within reach if you just keep climbing." Harry Finlay
"Tell me when it's over, Doc.."
"Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future."
"Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, 'Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!'? She was having contractions."
"Dream big and dare to fail." Norman Vaughan
Student: "Mrs. Offlegams, I don't get this one..'I'm pushing 40 with no prospects of marriage. I can't find a guy who meets my standards. Why am I so picky?" Teacher: "Oops..How did that get in there? I accidentally included one of my personal problems."
"Find beauty in the small things."
Sheep anesthesiologists: "I'm going to start the drip, Mr. Jensen, and when I do, I'd like you to start counting us backwards.."
"Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished." Confucius
"Someone stole my tweet!"
"Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." Winston Churchill
"I say this'll blow over. Let's scalp our tickets."
"If you believe it will work out, you'll see opportunities. If you believe it won't, you will see obstacles."
"Harold, you left the toilet seat up again…" ME: Poor Harold. Not really fair.
"The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell."
"Now I know why they call it cable news. I want to choke them all with a cable."
"Let your faith be bigger than your fear."
"How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end."
"If you learn to work with all the negatives in life, you will definitely make better pictures out of it."
"I asked Walt to get the newspaper. He said, 'Don't be silly, use my iPad.' That spider never knew what freakin' hit him."
"Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change."
"Push harder than yesterday if you want a different tomorrow."
When hipsters end up in refugee camps for future civil wars: "Is it paleo?" "I'm vegan!" "I have gluten allergy."
"Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value." Albert Einstein
ME: Consider the era this was said and replace "man" with "person". The message still speaks.
Computer Memory: "Remember when we made that loud, super annoying squeaking sound whenever we logged on to the internet?" "Remember when we called it the information superhighway? Were we ever that young?!"
"Don't waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"This report is a mess. Sloppy facts. Sloppy figures. Sloppy organization. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. Well done."
"There will be haters; there will be doubters; there will be non-believers; and then, there will be you, proving them wrong."
"I'll have four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge…Hold the pear tree."
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up." Thomas A. Edison
"When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said 'Name two pronouns.' I said, 'Who, me?'"
"They can because they think they can." Virgil
"Thanks for joining us. This week, our distinguished panel will be discussing the dangers of using solar energy."
"The longer you wait for the future, the shorter it will be." Loesje
"Even if I had hands, this would still be the stupidest anniversary present you've ever given me!"
ME: I have a feeling he's done this before.
"Regret is not when you could not finish what you started but regret is when you do not start what you could have finished." Apoorve Dubey
"Age has its advantages. Too bad I don't remember what they are."
5 Lessons in Life from Dr. Seuss
1. Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than You.
2. Why fit in when you were born to stand out?
3. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
4. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
5. Today I shall behave as if this is the day I will be remembered.
"Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free?"
"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Oh no, I underslept! Now I have to get ready for work really slowly."
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant." Robert Louis Stevenson
"The reason to avoid pie charts"
"Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder."
"Is the dishwasher loaded yet?" "Yesh…"
"Stay Positive. Work hard and make it happen."
"It just occurred to me…You know what we really need to invent?"
"Underwear?"
"Great minds."
"My school holiday concert has been cancelled. Frosty the Snowman has the same name as a drug dealer, Rudolph is a victim of bullying, Jingle Bells denies global warming and White Christmas is racist."
"Someone once told me not to bite off more than I could chew. I said I'd rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity."
"Hello, employment agency? There's been a mistake….I asked for 100 elves!"
Merry Christmas!
"Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing." Hunter S. Thompson
"I wish airport security could send these scans to my doctor. It'd save me some big money on my next office visit."
"Attitude is far more important than what happened to your past or what will be your future. Being who you are is what matters. Not what you've done or will do."
"Sometimes life just sucks the jelly right out of your doughnut."
"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible." Arthur C. Clarke
"Then I set it on hover, and get a little work done around here."
"Anyone who has ever made anything of importance was disciplined."
"Are you Madame Kaminski, the fortune teller? We've received complaints from people in the future. They'd like you to stop stalking them and peering into their lives. It's an invasion of privacy!"
"When you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't."
"New Year's Resolutions 2009..2010..2011..2012..2013 Lose weight. Start Dating. Quit Smoking. Go to Gym. Getter Job."
"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right."
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." Vaughn
"I've decided that instead of becoming a new me this year, I'll just get a new you!"
"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art (write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can) and somewhere in the next year, I hope you surprise yourself." Neil Gaiman
"Whether we want them or not, the New Year will bring new challenges; whether we seize them or not, the New Year will bring new opportunities." Michael Josephson
"Honey, our lawyer wishes us, but in no way guarantees, a Happy New Year."
"If 'Plan A' didn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters! Stay cool."
Doctor: "Don't eat that." Husband: "How far are you planning to go with this preventive medicine thing?"
"For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness."
"Uh, Dude…I think you might have my head there.."
"Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others." Jonathan Swift
"How do I always seem to find the plants without the will to live?"
"If kids come to us from strong, healthy functioning families, it makes our job easier. If they do not come to us from strong healthy functioning families, it makes our job more important." Barbara Colorose
ME: Thank you to all of the teachers who make a difference in a child's life. I know it's not easy.
"Fact: No one has ever 'jumped in the shower'."
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela
"The greater your storm, the brighter your rainbow."
BOY: "Now I been sitting here for 20 minutes…When does the book start?" DAD: "Son, you need to turn the pages yourself."
"Everyone fits in somewhere."
"Look at you! You lost a lot of weight! Hold on a sec….."
"Let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see."
"No, thank you. I order all my brick and mortar online."
"Mistakes are proof that you're trying."
"Groundskeeper Willie soon has mixed feelings about tracking down his ancestry."
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is a courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
"Quick, we've got to change our internet password."
"Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect." Zoey Sayward
"I'll replace your order this time, sir, but in the future, I suggest you not ask for the chicken strips special if you're not sure it's what you want."
"Pretty words are not always true, and true words are not always pretty."
"I need to shut this down and go to bed!" Translated into NETFLIX: "Okay, just one more episode!"
"You can do anything but not everything."
"You were born with the ability to change someone's life, don't ever waste it."
"At my age, 'strappy shoes' means sandals with Velcro fasteners."
"Whether you think you can or think you can't you're right." Henry Ford
"No matter how hard I try, I can never capture the laser dot."
"It's your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you."
"After 54 years of marital bliss they opened a discussion leading straight to divorce."
Eugene: No, Pepsi isn't real cola! Wife: I like it, Eugene! I think it tastes better!
"Go as long as you can, and then take another step."
"The final entry in the candlestick maker's journal: Day Eleven: I am quite concerned. There is no food anywhere and I'm trapped with, of all people, a butcher and a baker."
"Strive for progress, not perfection."
"Hunger Games? I play those every night around 2 A.M. in front of the fridge!"
"Knowing a person is like music. What attracts us to them is their melody, and as we get to know who they are, we learn their lyrics."
"Dwayne just wanted to thank the chef for the first ever meal that truly satisfied all his needs."
"Just because the past didn't turnout like you wanted it to, doesn't mean your future can't be better than you imagined."
"You've already interrupted my magazine article, at least let me finish my show."
ME: It was bound to happen, sooner or later, when they try to help us relax.
"Every pro was once an amateur. Every expert was once a beginner. So dream big. And start now."
"I saw a six-foot bunny at the mall yesterday. Either it's almost Easter, or my doc screwed up my meds again."
"It is always the simple that produces the marvelous." Amelia Barr
"I wouldn't stand there if I were you.. I'm about to use the can opener."
"Blame is a condition of the mind where love is a condition of the heart. Choose to live your life from the heart." Dianne Adams
"Well, that would certainly explain why he let three of us on board."
"In the depth of winter, I found that within me lies an invincible summer." Albert Camus
"Well, that was a waste of money…"
"Dream big and dare to fail." Norman Vaughan
"Getting over body issues is like getting over a fear of heights….the trick is not to look down."
"Every day may not be good…but there is something good in every day."
"Hold that pose, Mom! I want to post a picture of my food."
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." Arthur Ashe
Charging a phone: "You have the right to remain in silent mode.."
"Know in your heart that all things are possible. We couldn't conceive of a miracle if none had ever happened." Libbie Fudim
"The earth has music for those who listen." Shakespeare
"I always start my diet on the same day…tomorrow!"
"Don't worry about failures. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try." Jack Canfield
"If the cup is only half full, I suggest you buy a smaller bra."
"Let us make our future now, and let us make our dreams tomorrow's reality." Malala Yousafzai
"I used to like those guys but I've discovered a new sound." (The Can Openers vs The Pull Tops)
"Change your thoughts and you change your world." Norman Vincent Peale
"Island of (Mis)Fit Toys"
"The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest…. True story"
"You ruined your bangs!"
"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long."
"Remember: A glass of wine counts as a serving of fruit."
"Know yourself, you are unique, priceless and a gift to this world." Apoorve Dubey
"Honest mistake!"
"We are not a team because we work together. We are a team because we respect, trust, and care for each other."
"Go the extra mile. It's never crowded."
"Working from home is tough. I have to coordinate a desktop, a laptop and a handheld….."
"Fall seven times, stand up eight." Stephen Bush
"Sometimes I panic and think there's a crazy person in my house. Then I realize it's just me."
"Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever." Walk Disney
"We all pitched in and were hoping you could keep your voice down and wear this instead."
"Believe that you will succeed, and you will." Dale Carnegie
"Arguing with the barista about whether I did or did not ask for extra caramel is the closest thing to a relationship I've had in years."
"Dear haters, I couldn't help but notice that 'awesome' ends with 'me' and 'ugly' starts with 'u'."
"You knew he'd leave. He's a travel mug."
"Don't think about what can happen in a month. Don't think about what can happen in a year. Focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be."
"And what would you say is the source of your stress?"
"Opportunity follows struggle. It follows effort. It follows hard work. It doesn't come before." Shelby Steele
"I'm afraid I can't treat you, Mr. Fisk. I have a conflict of interest."
"Screw valentine's day. I'm just waiting for the discounted chocolate on February 15th!"
"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon."
"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." Winston Churchill
Low Tech Support: "Have you tried opening the back and emptying the pencil shavings?"
"Learn to let things go you cannot control."
"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela
"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela
"Is that enough? They're going to be waking up any second. I really have to go. Oh, come on."
"Don't complain about things you're not willing to change."
"I wish going to the gym was as easy as going to the fridge!"
"I squirt him when he misbehaves. I might need a new system."
"Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have, or do." Brian Tracy
"Cubits! I said cubits!"
"Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard for it."
"Yep. This is the crow bar all right…and I'm Jack."
"Ditch those 'I can't's. Dump those 'why me's'. Drop those 'if only's'. Then listen. Hear that? It's the sound of I can! I will! Watch me!"
"I'll just have coffee, thanks"
"Stay strong. Stand up. Have a voice." Shawn Johnson
"He didn't go quietly."
"Devote yourself to the idea. Go make it happen. Struggle on it. Overcome your fears, smile. Don't forget: This is your dream."
"I really feel for the trees this time of year. At least when I went through 'the change' nothing fell off!"
"In the midst of our lives, we must find the magic that makes our souls soar." Kelcey Jones
"I finally figured out how to get everything done!"
"When you start helping yourself, you start the process of becoming your own inspiration. How inspiring are you with yourself? If you're not, why?" Ron W. Rathbun
"I'd start lifting weights but I figure if something's heavy, it must be nature's way of telling us not to pick it up."
"There is no WiFi in the forest, but I promise you'll find a better connection."
Annual Meeting of the Union of the Dark Lords: D. Vader Voldemort The guy who invented "February"
"I fight for my health every day in ways most people don't understand. I am not lazy. I'm a warrior."
"Kind of takes the fun out of it when all the gifts are digital downloads."
"Kind of takes the fun out of it when all the gifts are digital downloads."
"Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't." Nikki Rogers
"I want to thank all my supporters…Hanes, Maidenform, Spanx"
"At the end of the day, I am thankful that my blessings are bigger than my problems."
What kids should say: Oh, Uncle Bert. You've grown so much since the last time I saw you!
"There is no rational reason to remain a pessimist in a world full of so many miracles."
"I woke up with frozen pips this morning. Yea, I should probably get a little more fiber in my diet."
"Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile."
Knock Knock Jokes for Cats: Knock, Knock…... (They're hiding under the couch.)
"Don't quit your day dream."
"If you think I'm some sort of artsy, fartsy crafts person, you're only half right."
"Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal." E. Joseph Cossman
"For Mother Goose, inspiration struck at the most unexpected moments."
"Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you but on what happens inside of you."
"Rise? If I must. Shine? It ain't freakin' happening."
"Our greatest freedom is the freedom to choose our attitude."
"We can insure you, but it'll be expensive. Are you sure that you want to open a china shop?"
"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place." Nora Roberts
"I don't think my fairy godmother is coming. Either that, or I accidentally killed her with a fly swatter."
"You can determine how confident people are by listening to what they don't say about themselves." Brian G. Jett
"I realize your brother needs a place to stay for a few day but I find this weird."
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zan
"Doctor, have you perfected your super, age-reversing formula yet?" "In a manner of speaking, Poopie Head."
"A wise old owl sat on an oak. The more he saw, the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard. Why can't we all be like that bird?"
"I have the luck of a person who gets hit by a car, sees a bright light, only to be hit by another car."
"Don't stop when you're tired. Stop when you are done."
"People who yell 'Trick or treat!' are givin' me one too many options."
"The mountain we must conquer rests within ourselves." Roxana Jones
"I'm no fan of technology. Have you noticed how difficult it is to eat homework these days?"
"Life is an opportunity for us to contribute something that outlasts us and makes the world a better place." Apoorve Dubey
"I have to admit it, Hank. You have a real talent for distracting me from the seemingly endless hours of mind-numbing boredom."
"Big things often have small beginnings."
"This morning I need a café-vodka-mocha-prozac-latte."
Be Lucky
L: Live on purpose
U: Utilize your strengths daily
C: Be a Catalyst for change
K: Know who you are meant to serve
Y: Be Yourself
An Old Irish Blessing
May love and laughter light your days,
And warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
Wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
With joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
Bring the best to you and yours!
"I don't understand why it's so hard for her to know what I need. It's all right there on the tag."
"You're not going to enjoy every minute of the journey, but the success you'll find at the end will make it all worth it." Muhammad Ali
Lobsterfest: "Run away, guys! It's not what we thought!"
"I'm going to always rise above the doubt that may exist about me." T.I
"I finally found a diet plan that really works. It's called 'The Price of Food.'"
"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
Disorganized Crime: "Put the money in the ba…where did I put the bag?" "Getaway car's leavin'."
"You measure the size of the accomplishment by the obstacles you had to overcome to reach your goals." Booker T. Washington
"Ahem I will repeat for the third time…Do you, Owen Hoffman, take…"
"I may not be there yet but I'm closer than I was yesterday."
"How can I be a star like you?" "Well, first you need to come out of that shell of yours."
"Success is not a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."
"By golly, these'll do the trick!"
When a plugger needs to open a child-proof cap on a prescription bottle, it often involves a trip to the toolbox.
"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive-to breathe, to think, to enjoy and to love." Marcus Aurelius
"Having plans sounds like a good idea..until you have to put clothes on and leave the house."
"It's not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life. It's what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!" Robert Kiyosaki
Appropriate for Tax Day:
"Whoa!..Bummer,dude. Next time you wish for wealth beyond your wildest dreams, better make it tax-free."
"The best way to predict the future is to create it."
"Get off that site now!" (little firecracker on Match.com)
"Focus on where you want to go not on what you fear." Anthony Robbins
"I am the Ghost of Christmas yet to come."
"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." Sam Ewing
"Time does go faster as you get old…but you can even it out by driving really slow!"
"You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time?"
Business Lunch Power Move: "And I'll have the same thing as him, but better."
"Transformation is often more about unlearning then learning." Richard Rohr
If people had acted like they do on Facebook when Facebook didn't exist: "I'm in a relationship with Coleen McGuire!" "I've just stepped out the shower!" "Cookies taste good!"
Happy Easter!
"Wishing you peace, love, & happiness at Easter and always."
"I won't say my memory's bad, but it's to the point now that I can hide my own Easter eggs!"
"I was an Easter egg"
"The Easter Bunny at the candy store, giving a shout out to his Peeps: YO!"
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." Milton Berle
"It's a great day in a plugger's life when he leaves a doctor's appointment without a new prescription."
"Don't carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones to rise above them."
"I could definitely be a morning person if morning started at noon."
"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." Suzy Kassem
"She complained about the porridge. She complained about the chairs. She complained about the beds. Let's see if we can make it four for four."
"However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at." Stephen Hawking
"I hope you're doing your math!" "Sure am!" Thinking: add to cart, add to cart, add to cart
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it." Helen Keller
"You quoted me out of context."
"Your heart will show you your beauty. Never look for it with your eyes."
"There's nothing wrong with my paycheck that a couple more zeroes wouldn't cure."
"Life is like a piano: the white keys represent happiness, the black keys show sadness. But as you go through life's journey, remember that the black keys make music too."
The only heated towels a plugger gets. "Sorry, I hate to bother you…"
"An arch consists of two weaknesses, which, leaning on each other, become a strength." Leonardo da Vinci
"Never let your printer know you're in a hurry…they smell fear."
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
"Just what is taking her so long? She only went upstairs to change…"
"Never stop dreaming."
"Want to really mess with these guys? Lay down and take a nap."
"Always end the day with a positive thought. No matter how hard things were, tomorrow's a fresh opportunity to make it better."
Mating calls that led to extinctions:
"Toll-yoo-so! Toll-yoo-so!"
"Haf-yoo-gaind-wate? Gaind-wate?"
"Yor-lyke-yor-mutha! Lyke-yor-mutha!"
"Courage is tiny pieces of fear all glued together." Terri Guillemets
"I need my eight hours of sleep. But my boss keeps wantin' me to do my job."
"There is no shame in beginning again, for you get a chance to build bigger and better than before."
"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right (sigh), here I am…"
"Dreams don't work unless you do."
Quack Addict: "I started off small, kids. Here a quack, there a quack. But, pretty soon, it was everywhere a quack quack!"
"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." C.S. Lewis
"If you ever get tired of this place, I have two one-way tickets to Tahiti." I'll pack my bags after I get off work."
You know you're a plugger when you can shamelessly flirt with a waitress because you know no one will take you seriously.
"Being positive in a negative situation is not being naïve, it's leadership."
"At my age, rolling out of bed in the morning is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story."
"Respect yourself enough to say 'I deserve peace'. Walk away from people or things that prevent you from attaining it." Jericho Silvers
"On the bright side, they named the crime after you."
"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." Carl Sandburg
The Loch Ness Monster, reveled at last
"Hello, Wonderful! You are strong, brave, capable, creative and ready. Go make life happen!" Lara Casey
"The sage is on the top shelf, aisle seven."
"When things change inside you, things change around you."
"Uh oh. I have to sneeze."
"Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles." Sharon Jaynes
"A good mother loves her kids. A great mother still loves them when they're teenagers!"
"It's not easy being a mother these days. Texting in all caps just doesn't have the same impact as good, old-fashioned yelling!"
When thumbs point the finger: "The one on the far right, Officer. I'm sure of it."
"Forget the mistake. Remember the lesson."
"Back pills? They're on the bottom shelf in the 50-pound jar."
"An injury is not just a process of recovery. It's a process of discovery." Conor McGregor
The older a plugger gets, the better an athlete he remembers being in his youth.
"I am building a fire, and everyday I train, I add more fuel. At just the right moment, I light the match." Mia Hamm
"I'll tell you why I can't lose weight. I've got metal fillings in my teeth and my refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen."
"A little progress each day adds up to BIG results."
"You could have just broken up with me. You didn't have to drive me out to the woods to set me loose."
"Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe
"As far as cat ladies go, Elsie was the undisputed champion."
"What would you do if you weren't afraid?" Sheryl Sandberg
"He believed in reincarnation."
"When you own who you are without apologies, you give others permission to do the same."
"I get the sense you're not equally committed to the relationship."
"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud." Maya Angelou
DURN UNIT: "I was cleaning my bow and arrow and it went off." "Durn!"
My brother sent me this for my birthday.
"Go where you are celebrated--not tolerated. If they can't see the real value of you, it's time for a new start." Unknown
"The secret to surviving the cold is to put on enough layers that you can't fit through the door to go outside."
"The earth has music for those who listen." William Shakespeare
Before fortune cookie companies hired editors
"Be careful with your words. They can only be forgiven, not forgotten."
"Legal disclaimer: McRonald's is not responsible for your happiness."
"Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire."
"Are you kidding me?! That's 50 cents a hair!" Pluggers rarely get their money's worth at the barber shop.
"Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken." Frank Herbert
"I wish one of my other personalities loved to clean."
"There are only two words that describe the meaning of Memorial Day. 'Thank You'"
The Later Years: "I do not like green prunes and bran…I do not like them, Sam-I-am…"
"Give yourself permission to take time to breathe, to live life, to give, to love, to reflect, to be present, and to just be."
"The real estate agent had been surprisingly literal when he call Owen's apartment 'a small oasis in the city'."
"The best view comes after the hardest climb."
Somewhere at autocorrect headquarters:
"Kiss" to "Kick"
"Catch" to "Crotch"
"Congratulations" to "Come grab my fat shins"
"I Choose..to live by choice, not by chance; to make changes, not excuses; to be motivated, not manipulated; to be useful, not used; to excel, not compete; I choose self-esteem, not self pity. I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinion of others."
"Some people see the glass as half full, others half empty. I see it as one more thing to wash."
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." John Quincy Adams
"I think he's mocking me."
"Vision without action is daydream. Action without vision is nightmare." Japanese proverb
"Sometimes I wish I could "Select All' and 'Delete'. Of course, I'm not talking about computers."
"We only have what we give." Isabel Allende
"To think I spent all those years in medical school when I could have become a health care expert just by running for Congress."
"Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't." Nikki Rogers
"Make it look like an oxidant."
"No bird can fly without opening its wings. And no one can love without opening their heart." Mark Nepo
"Never let your fear decide your future."
"The high prices of prescription drugs are getting to be ridiculous!" "I'd tell you to take a chill pill, but they are now $50 a pop."
"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open." James Dewar
"Hold on, I know I have it here somewhere." You're a plugger if you have more "bonus keys" on your key ring than keys.
"Golf is the closet game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots--but you have to play the ball where it lies." Bobby Jones
"Honey, help! The iron isn't working so I tried using your curling iron."
"You will never be satisfied with anything less than the highest you can attain."
"Google is definitely a woman. It doesn't let you finish a sentence without suggesting other ideas."
"You create your thoughts, your thoughts create your intentions, and your intentions create your reality." Wayne Dyer
"But you asked me to assemble a panel of experts on what it means to be green."
"Become one of the rare people who don't know how to quit." Robin Sharma
"I gave up looking young and attractive years ago when I found out surly and intimidating was so much easier."
"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The presidential candidates put us chameleons to shame."
Here's another example of yarn bombing.
"People come and go, it's a natural cycle. If someone doesn't feel lucky to have you in their life, it's their loss."
"Mom, we're making you famous on YouTube!"
"To the one soul reading this: I know you're tired. I know you feel aimless, confused, disappointed, and lost. I know you might be on the brink of giving up. But even when you're weak, there's still strength in you. Keep going."
"Gosh, You're right. It's really him. But I've never eaten a celebrity before."
"Go, ahead, but get his autograph first."
"If you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time." Steve Jobs
Trial separation at checkout #2: Peanut Butter: "But, Helen, we're so good together!" Jelly: "I saw you check out that honey, Larry."
Larry is maybe a bit too smooth.
"Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another."
"You know you're a plugger when your children are finally out of the house, but their stuff is still in the house."
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY "Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father." Barack Obama
Top 3 (bad) Dad jokes:
Me: Please may I leave the table? Dad: And where are you going to leave it?
Me: Hi, there, is Monica around? Dad: No, she's more of an oblong shape.
Me: Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. And don't write it on Facebook either!!"
"Tomorrow is already getting terrible reviews on the east coast."
"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." Eleanor Roosevelt
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade."
"It's better to look back on life and say: 'I can't believe I did that.' than to look back and say: 'I wish I did that.'"
"There's a fine line between being able to multitask and being a big maniac."
"You cannot be lonely if you have learned to love the person you're alone with." Roxana Jones
"I'd love to hear a man say those three little words…"I've got money.""
"The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is to learn to let go." Steve Maraboli
"Hold on--I'm taking my tollhouse cookies out of the oven!"
"If you realized how powerful your thoughts are you'd never think a negative thought again."
"A little added incentive.."
"Don't limit your challenges. Challenge your limits."
"Listen, doll, it it's a man you're after, I think I have exactly what you're looking for in the way of husband material."
"No disability or dictionary out there is capable of clearly defining who we are as a person." Robert M. Hensel
"I was told there would be pie.."
"Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder."
"I'm having apple pie and ice cream. Why?"
Pluggers know that for good health, they need to eat fruit and dairy products daily.
"There comes a day when I don't have to be a princess. No rules, no expectations. A day where anything can happen. A day where I can change my fate." Merida
"Don't get me wrong, you look great, but the customers aren't here to see a fit hippo."
"Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart." Old Indian Saying
"Just because I know I could get more done if I got up earlier doesn't mean I have any intention of ever trying it."
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." Neale Donald Walsch
Werner's last day on the job: "I need you to breathe into this…"
"Live with intention. Walk to the Edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is." Mary Anne Radmacher
"I was down to my undies in the voting booth when I remembered it wasn't a changing room."
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."
"Class, today we'll begin drawing the figure from life."
"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." Napoleon Hill
"Fall in love with taking care of your body."
"I'm at the age now where half the stuff in my shopping cart has a longer expiration date than I do."
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"We think we found a weakness in this enemy and sent in Cody. How did it go, Cody?"
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Thomas Jefferson
"Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable. Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals." Martin Luther King Jr.
"My idea, 'Fun Day', has been outvoted. But I still say the word 'Independence' is far too long. They'll just end up calling it 'The Fourth'."
"Today I will do what others won't so tomorrow I can do what others can't."
Sign: Caution: May be hazardous to your health
Rabbit: "Silly scare tactics. What could possibly be more healthy for you than eating your veggies?"
"Stand for what is right even if that means standing alone."
"That thing is trying to take our jobs!"
"Be strong but not rude. Be kind but not weak. Be humble, but not timid. Be proud but not arrogant."
By the time a plugger finds his "misplaced" hearing aid, his wife has forgotten what she was going to say.
Him: "OK, there. Now what were you saying?" Her: "Un..uh….shoot!"
"Success isn't overnight. It's when everyday you get a little better than the day before. It all adds up." Dwayne Johnson
The correct way to weigh yourself: "I can't believe I've been doing it wrong all these years!"
"A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles." Tim Cahill
"Whoever removes the mop from the stone shall become the royal janitor. For many, many centuries, no one has tried."
"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." Beverly Sills
E.T. out on the town
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think and loved more than you know."
"It's the shorts."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain
"If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quits their job. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first."
"The arrival of the morning sun means another day has just begun. I give thanks for all I have today, tomorrow, and in my past. Another Day to be all I can be no matter the negativity that tries to defeat me. Yes, optimistic I will stay. Thanks to the morning sun that starts my day." Ramona Spires
Doc: "Now that you're 50, what's the most difficult thing to do, Wiz?" Wizard: "Yes."
"How does blaming others for your situation empower you towards a better life? Take responsibility for your actions and choose a better future."
"No, I have nothing against Bernie. It's the colonel that scares me silly."
"I haven't been everywhere but it's on my list." Susan Sontag
"This new shopping site helps you enjoy the convenience of Cyber Monday without losing the experience of Black Friday. I just got punched by a guy in Walmart!"
"You only fail when you stop trying."
"A plugger doesn't have to plug in her blanket at night, but she does have to feed it in the morning."
"Just because you're taking longer than others does not mean you're a failure. Keep going."
"At the end of the day I wish life would ask us, 'do you want to save the changes?'"
"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." Confucius
"You're such a pessimist! I say it's half empty!"
"You don't need a new sunrise to start over, you only need a new mindset."
Speaker: "The boiling frog theory states that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is slowly heated, it will not perceive the danger and die.." Clueless: "I don't get the relevance..Isn't this supposed to be a seminar on climate change?"
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." Christopher Reeve
"I'm prescribing an anti-inflammatory."
"Looking back you realize that everything would have explained itself if you had only stopped interrupting." Robert Brault
"This heat wave is brutal! Not only is it hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you can used your mailbox as a toaster oven."
"When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top."
"Okay..one more game of peek-a-boo, but that's it!"
"Every morning you have two choices: to sleep with your dreams or wake up and chase them."
"This is pure heresy! Everybody knows that the Earth revolves around us!"
"Despite the forecast, live like it's Spring. Make sure to find joy in the smallest of things in your life." Lilly Pulitzer
"I used to be somebody. I used to be a contender."
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle." Christian D. Larson
All pluggers have a set of encyclopedias, but they have to explain what they are to their grandkids.
"And they contain information on just about anything. Well, up to 1968."
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.
"Finally, my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls."
"Don't wait for things to get easier, simpler or better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now. Otherwise, you'll run out of time."
"That's not the crime scene tape, Mitch." (Tape says 'bake sale'.)
"Live like someone left the gate open."
After the paleo diet, the next thing is a paleo workout.
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." Louisa May Alcott
"If you feel like you're losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come."
"Boy, I'm a wreck if I don't get my 21.5 hours."
May I live this day compassionate of heart, clear in word, gracious in awareness, courageous in thought, generous in love." John O'Donohue
"Now remember, that fish was so big it broke the line and got away. And it probably weighed at least 45 or 50 pounds." "Got it, Grampa."
A plugger learns the art of telling a fish tale at an early age.
"A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence." James N. Watkins
"I know I was born 'surf' but sometimes, deep down, I feel like I'm actually 'turf'."
"The real risk is doing nothing." Denis Waitley
"A female president would only be a good idea if you wanted the country fun right for some reason."
"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." Suzy Kassem
Tweety vs. Woodstock: The battle for cute-yellow-birdie supremacy
"Every day is a new beginning. Take a deep breath, smile and start again."
"It's positively disgraceful. Thirty-five years old, and we're still supporting him. Well, I say it's about time he left the nest and learned to stand up on his own one leg!"
"There are two ways of spreading light: To be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." Edith Wharton
"That's it…a screwdriver, duct tape and wd-40!" A plugger considers himself "getting lucky" when he walks into a room and remembers why he went there.
"The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind."
Why you can never tell a dog a knock-knock joke: Knock, knock…....Bark, bark,etc…...
Hugs!
"There are two rules for success: 1. Never reveal everything you know. 2. "
"Sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel but you know what that means…more laundry."
"Always end the day with a positive thought. No matter how hard things were, tomorrow's a fresh opportunity to make it better."
"No, thank you. I order all my brick and mortar online."
Hugs!
"Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear."
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." Albert Einstein
"Punishing them with plagues or floods was too messy, so now he just tells a few of the nuttiest ones to run for President."
"If you want something you've never had, then you've got to do something you've never done.
"Don't you just love that new carb smell?!
"Our eyes are in front because it's more important to look ahead than to look back. Don't dwell on things in the past. Learn from them and keep moving forward."
"You have two basic options. Lose thirty pounds or get eleven inches taller!"
Hugs!
"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." Earl Nightingale
Rare Books: "And this is a first edition Kindle."
Hugs!
"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or self-confidence." Robert Frost
"So far, no one has really challenged my decision to never appear nude on screen."
"Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people."
"Humpty, Mike, Yellow, Pac-Man and R2D2 all show up in the same costume."
"Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect." Zoey Sayward
"The stork? Where did you ever hear such nonsense? The truth is, son, you were pulled from a hat."
Hugs
"A ship in port is safe; but that is not what ships are built for." Grace Hopper
"I wish you could've seen what she did. It was so cute! I should've taken a video."
You know you're a plugger when all of your grandkids are grown, so you have to talk to your friends about your cat.
Hugs!
"You will never regret being kind."
"This new app sends me an electric jolt when I'm about to walk into something when I'm texting."
"When you focus on problems, you'll have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you'll have more opportunities."
"If my calculations are correct, I've worked out I can retire 7 years after I die."
"A problem is a chance for you to do your best." Duke Ellington
"Okay, the trampoline was a bad idea."
"Love makes our friends a little dearer. Joy makes our hearts a little lighter. Faith makes our paths a little clearer. Hope makes our lives a little brighter. Peace bring us all a little nearer." Zachary Taylor Austin
"Harry Potter's career as a conductor was brief."
Hugs
"Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven't planted." David Bly
"OK, if people don't come out to show their support by noon, start sending out the subpoenas."
"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" Dr. Suess
"Hey! All returns have to be rewound!"
"All you can change is yourself, but sometimes that changes everything!" Gary W. Goldstein
"I'm afraid we can't accept Facebook friends as character references!"
"A setback is a set up for a comeback." Bishop T.D. Jakes
"We're staying away from Washington, DC. Sounds like they spend all their time hunting us."
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Dennis P. Kimbro
"Some things are better left unsaid….especially to me."
"Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, stop caring about what others think." Jimi Hendrix
"Honey, I'm ho….."
"Happiness is a butterfly. Which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." Nathaniel Hawthorne
Dog: "I have a deep-seated fear of vacuums." Lego-therapist: "Who doesn't?"
"Mistakes are proof that you are trying."
"You’re a plugger if you make an emergency run to the store to replenish your supply of little princess tiaras for your granddaughter's sleepover."
"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that." Norman Vincent Peale
Dialogue Box: The universe has unexpectedly quit. Would you like to relaunch?"
"If light is in your heart, you will find your way home." Rumi
"I have a split personality. One side loves wine. The other side loves chocolate."
"Silence is the music of wisdom." Apoorve Dubey
"I used to work in a complaint department. But I got tired of listening to amateurs."
"It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see." Henry David Thoreau
"Listen, I'm sick of vacuuming fur. Could you just color-match a carpet to this?"
"A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence." James N. Watkins
Hugs
Secret Santa (or Santa's Secret?)
"Victory belongs to the most persevering." Napoleon Bonaparte
Hugs
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" Mary Anne Radmacher
"Some people see the glass as half full, others half empty. I see it as one more thing to wash."
"The real risk is doing nothing." Denis Waitley
"Too bad his editor died first."
hugs
"Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you invest, investigate. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try."
"It's obviously a prehistoric representation of an early encounter with ancient aliens."
"It's obviously a prehistoric representation of an early encounter with ancient aliens."
"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."
The plugger Google: "Hey, son. Can you look something up for me on your computer?"
"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." Francis of Assisi
Proof that you do indeed use math later in life: "Okay, if I skip a shower, that leaves me an extra 10.5 minutes to sleep. If I don't shave, that's another 4.7 minutes. If I don't make the kids their lunches, another 3.3 minutes…"
"Don't be afraid to give up the good for the great." Steve Prefontaine
"Sometimes I really think I have my life together, and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out."
Hugs
"Work hard in silence; let success make the noise."
"You're in luck. Says here the giant Anaconda can't swallow anything larger than a Yak."
Hugs
"The only person you should strive to be better than, is the person you were yesterday." Matty Mullins
Man: "You're acting a bit strange. What's wrong?" Woman: "Nothing.."
A man who believes nothing is wrong in this scenario, stands absolutely no chance in a relationship.
"People come and go, it's a natural cycle. If someone doesn't feel lucky to have you in their life, it's their loss."
"Every champion was once a contender that refused to give up." Rocky Balboa
"A plugger's favorite ice cream bowl isn't dishwasher-safe."
Hugs
"Nothing looks as good as being healthy feels!"
"Either the leaves are changing colors or there was something in those brownies!"
Hugs
"Life is a gift. Never forget to enjoy and bask in every moment you are in."
Why the chicken crossed the road: "OOO! There's another Pokémon!"
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."
"Laugh it up, boys. You might not think it's so funny someday when you need one."
"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. Don't quit."
"My reality check bounced."
"Someone once told me not to bite off more than I could chew. I said I'd rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity."
"Luckily I had some crayons with me, Doc. I didn't even notice the wait!"
Hugs
--The history of the dove drawing for peace: from Bing: "Picasso's first 'Dove' lithograph, a traditional, realistic picture of a pigeon, was chosen as the emblem for the First International Peace Conference in Paris in 1949. He later developed the image into a simple graphic line drawing that has become one of the world's most recognizable symbols of peace."
--The history of the peace rose: from Bing: "This hybrid tea rose was developed by Meilland in France before World War II. When the German invasion of France seemed inevitable, he sent cuttings to friends around the world. In 1945, in an effort to standardize the name of the rose, he asked Field Marshal Alan Brooke if he would give his name to the hybrid. Brooke replied that his name would soon be forgotten and 'Peace' would be a more enduring name."
"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it but that it is too low and we reach it."
"My dentist told me I needed a crown. I told him 'I know. Right?'"
"Wake up every morning with the thought that something wonderful is about to happen."
"The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? OK, hold on. I think I've got an app for that."
"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time." Abraham Lincoln
"There's a problem. Every time that antibody tries to pick a fight, an endorphin tries to calm him down."
"Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirits." Wilma Rudolph
"I've got the paramedics on speed dial, and defibrillator is all charged up. Let's rock, baby!"
"Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people."
The first and last bee king: "Haven't we made enough honey for one day? I demand you take the rest of the day off! Beers for all!"
"Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you."
"Let me get this straight. You want me to get rid of all but two of the termites?"
"Success is not a straight line."
"Wait. So what do we actually get out of this system?" "They say it's a back-end deal."
"Be stronger than your strongest excuse."
"For all the young ladies thinking of getting a tattoo, REMEMBER- When you get older, a butterfly on the back becomes a buzzard in the crack."
"Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here." Neil Gaiman
"Robin couldn't make it tonight. This is Sparrow."
"Living your purpose is about being in alignment with your best and most authentic self, every day." Stacey Martino
"Hey, everybody. There's no longer an 800-pound gorilla in the room."
"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you." Maori Proverb
"Tell me when it's over, Doc.."
Hugs
"While working to change the world and create true impact, you can't forget to spend the time to live in it." Michael Donnelly
"I'd like a pumpkin spice latte, and could I get a mop with that?"
"Be brave to let go of the past. And fight for the present that you deserve. A better future is always yours."
Today's Lesson: Boundaries
Hugs
"30 years from now, it won't matter what shoes you wore, how your hair looked, or the jeans you bought. What will matter is what you learned and how you used it."
"Well, what do you know. It's not the end of the world after all. We just forgot to turn the page."
"Well, what do you know. It's not the end of the world after all. We just forgot to turn the page."
"The more we love ourselves, care for ourselves, celebrate ourselves; then the more capable we are to love, care, and celebrate those we care for." Sheila Callaham
"If you come to my house on Halloween, don't be surprised if you see a couple of scary goblins.. I sometimes forget to button my housecoat."
"Magic is all around. You just have to believe."
"Your mom has a sick sense of humor."
"The food you eat either makes you more healthy or less healthy. Those are your options." Melissa Hartwig
A plugger's wallet is thick not from money, but from all the cards to remind him of his next doctors appointments.
"I guess I'm going to have to buy pants with bigger pockets."
hugs
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." Theodore Roosevelt
"Walt said he wanted an open relationship, so I pushed him out of an 'open' window. The funeral will be an 'open' casket followed by an 'open' bar."
"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." Nido Qubein
"The Ancient Greeks didn't have a symbol for zero?" "They left 'nothing' to the imagination."
"The Halloween Party was great, until the Sheet hit the fan.
"We must learn to listen to what is being said and not hear what we want to hear." Rhonda Gales
"Follow that car!" "Yes, sir! On Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat?"
"Hey! Cast spells or drive!"
"If we did all we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves." Thomas Edison
"So, now that we have you on the witness stand, Mr. Hamlet, you're saying you barely knew Mr. Yorick?"
"No, we don't accept ApplePay!"
"Through caring I learn how to give of myself in the expectation of never requiring anything back in return." Eleesha
Dirty Harry finally meets his match: "You have to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky?"
"Rats. More hand sanitizer and another face mask."
"Many people are alive but don't touch the miracle of being alive." Thich Nhat Hanh
"Listen, kid, if it were up to me, I'd be happy to let you sit in, but it's really up to the top brass."
"Wow, ma'am! My whole troop'll have to help me deliver this many cookies!" "Oh, I'm counting on it, my dear."
"I get a reel good laugh whenever I lure people into fishing puns."
"I will not feel deprived when I turn down junk food. I will feel empowered that I made the healthy and right choice."
"When I argue with my boss, I always have the last word. Luckily, he never hears it."
"You called hex support?"
"I'm so board. I really wish something fun wood come along."
"Train your mind to see something good in every day!"
The final step in the evolution of modern man: "Legend has it that he invented ego."
"This is not how it looked on 'Top Chef'."
Hugs
"When I wake in the morning, I make a wish to be useful to others." Dalai Lama
"The 'snap, crackle and pop' a plugger hears first thing in the morning aren't coming from his breakfast cereal."
"2 resumes, 4 job applications and a Will Work for Food sign?" "Halloween was more fun before the job market collapsed."
"If you only walk on sunny days, you'll never reach your destination." Paulo Coelho
"Coffee: A magical substance that turns, 'Leave me alone or die.' into, 'Good morning, Honey.'"
hugs
"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world." Robin Williams
"Whatever weight I manage to lose here, I always seem to find on the way home."
Zombie Dads: "Don't roll your eyes at me, young man!"
Hugs
"I am on my way. I can go the distance." Hercules
"Wayne, I'm pretty sure it's easier if you us the same hole to get up."
"Stinkin' low carb housing."
"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud." Maya Angelou
"On average, how many salads do you eat every week?"
"She's such a showoff on her broomba."
"At any given moment you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end."
"Dad, didn't we used to have a blowfish?"
"Have fun but be careful There are some sick evil people out there who might be handing out treats laced with transfats and sugar."
"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end." Denis Waitley
"One of my coworkers has an annoying habit: she works! Makes me look bad."
"@#$% GPS!"
Hugs
"In any given moment, we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety." Abraham Maslow
The best senior moment: "I went to work this morning, but couldn't remember why, so I retired."
Vegan Witches: "Eye of potato" "Ear of corn" "Head of lettuce"
"If I can't hug you in person, I'll just hug my computer and hope it'll reach you."
"A teacher takes a hand, opens a mind, and touches a heart."
Plugger "miscommunication": Husband: Why don't we light a candle and make some whoppee?! Wife: Why would we want to ride a camel and bake some cookies?
Anger Management Support Group: "My name is Helda, and I have a tendency to fly off the handle."
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe
"Be nice to your secretary. They know all your secrets."
"A Blood Lite, please."
"The dream is free but the hustle is sold separately."
"Maybe this isn't a good picture to hang in a dental office waiting room."
"You haven't failed if you haven't given up."
"When Dad was a kid we got bread with gluten and drank milk full of lactose and sometimes we bicycled to the playground without any adult supervision at all.." "Stop, Dad, just stop!" "I'm calling Mom! She needs to come and pick us up right now!"
"For heaven's sake-you're scaring the children!" "I'm just trying to be safe."
"The most important decision you could make is to be in a good mood." Voltaire
"Your Honor, I want to assure the Court that my client is not a flight risk."
"Every Halloween I pretend to be the same thing…..not at home."
"People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy." Anton Chekhov
(Yeah, I can hear the comments now. :) )
"How your cat see things."
"Halloween, that time of year when you can just leave the bodies on the lawn and the neighborhood thinks they are decorations."
"Your time is way too valuable to be wasting on people that can't accept who you are."
Welcome to Frontierland
"I'm depressed Halloween is over." "Cheer up! 'Is means we can start our Christmas lists!"
"If you don't start somewhere, you're gonna go nowhere." Bob Marley
"A plugger wastes no time getting to the root of the problem."
"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."
"I'm aging like a fine wine…which is to say, I'm building up pressure and about about to become uncorked."
"I'm aging like a fine wine…which is to say, I'm building up pressure and about about to become uncorked."
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it." Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Daylight Savings Time: An extra hour of sleep for those without children. An irritatingly early morning for those with children."
"It's a shame Daylight Savings is over. Turns out that was the only savings I had left!"
"Turn over the other mutineers or walk the plank!" "That's right-fink or swim!"
"Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love."
"I wonder how skinny I'd be if I had to pedal to keep the computer powered up?"
HUGS
"Daring ideas are like chess men moved forward; they may be beaten, but they may start a winning game." Goethe
Merv and Irv, the world's first conjoined accountants: "It's impossible to cut the tie without one of them dying."
"Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts." Albert Einstein
"Tillie, if you found Mort unconscious, what would be the first thing you'd look for?" "His wallet."
"A negative mind will never give you a positive life."
"Ludmilla, there are simpler ways of summoning an Uber."
"Happiness often sneaks in a door you did not think was open."
"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to paint the walls 'eggshell'."
"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop."
Things you don't want to hear from the editor of your autobiography: "The main character in your book is so one-dimensional, bland and dense. We need to develop him a lot more."
"Your time is way too valuable to be wasting on people that can't accept who you are."
"Etiquette shmetiquette… Just let him play through."
Hugs
Happy Veterans Day! "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." John F. Kennedy Thank you for your service, protection and support.
"Veterans Day Thank you from a grateful nation to all who have and do serve. Honoring and remembering all who have fallen."
A plugger finds all kinds of treasures in his old shag carpet. "What's that? Feels like a dine."
"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Getting over body issues is like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down."
Hugs
"A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing." Laura Ingalls Wilder
"It would be a lot more efficient if he just checked my likes on Facebook."
"Think Positive: Say to yourself every morning: Today is going to be a great day. I can handle more than I think I can. Things don't get better by worrying about them. I can be satisfied if I try to do my best. There is always something to be happy about. I'm going to make someone happy today. It is not good to be down. Life is great; Make the most of it. Be an Optimist.
"Don't you wish some people would start using glue instead of lipstick?"
"In the middle of difficulties lie opportunities." Albert Einstein
"The good news was there were no raccoons in the attic."
Hugs
"Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it."
"For cripe sakes, lady. I'm a mailman, not a boy scout!!"
Math Jokes: If you get them, you probably don't have any friends.
"Stop waiting for Friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it and make the most of the moment you are in now."
Profiles in Courage: Lion Tamer, Firefighter, Guy Who Left the House Without His Smartphone
I had posted a pun meme about retired cowboys but the more I thought about it, the more I was uncomfortable with some of the subtle messaging, so I offer this one instead.
"You're off to great places! Today is your day!"
The Untold Story
"Don't wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul."
While looking for Jimmy Hoffa: "I think we found Waldo."
"There is no royal road to anything. One thing at a time; all things in succession. That which grows fast, withers rapidly; that which grows slowly, endures." Josiah Gilbert Holland
"It was the last selfie of his fishing trip."
"Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay." Simone de Beauvoir
You're a plugger if far more of your friends are having joint replacements than babies: "Looks like I'm going to miss league bowling this week."
"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change."
"The only relative I want to see at my door is Papa John."
"Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do." H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Frank and Ernest's Updated Fairy Tales: "This motorhome is great! I can't believe we wasted all that time with straw, wood and bricks!"
Hugs
"I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don't." Neila Rey
"I don't do drugs. These days I get the same effect by standing up too fast."
"When you're out of willpower, you call on stubbornness; that's the trick." Henri Matisse
"Diet. Second week."
"I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don't." Neila Rey
"With little more than some loose skin and some McGyver ingenuity, Tillie makes it back to the home with a dead battery."
"The greatest results in life are usually attained by common sense and perseverance." O. Feltham
"It's a G-string, sir, not an eye patch."
Hugs
"Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else's fairy tale." Wale Ayeni
"There is always something for which to be thankful. Health Home Family Friends Food"
"When making Thanksgiving dinner, do your giblets end up in the gravy? Or do you wear a bra when you cook?"
"We suffer more in imagination than in reality." Seneca
"I guess I'll text grace this year."
"The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise." Maya Angelou
The Natural Selection Process in Golf
Hi!
Hi!
Hugs
"We do not need magic to change the world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already. We have the power to imagine better." J.K. Rowling
Geppetto's ill-advised attempt to teach Pinocchio responsibility: "I hope you can afford my therapy bill!'
"You're a diamond, darling. They can't break you."
"They eliminated recess so we tried to compensate."
Hugs
"Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to him who endures that the final victory comes." Buddha
"Seriously, fellas, a few minutes in here and all that stiffness will totally disappear."
Hugs
"If your path is more difficult, it is because your calling is higher."
"If I wanted a fat, bald guy to show up at my house with gifts, I'd do online dating!"
"The creative process is a process of surrender, not control." Julia Cameron
"Our owners think they can fool us by rolling our pills in cheese. Do they really think we're that… OOO! Cheese ball!"
Hugs
"Be willing to be a beginner every single morning." Meister Eckhart
A plugger can't understand why companies print the expiration dates in the same color ink as the label it's printed on: "Shoot..Does that say 2018 or 2016?"
"All great achievements require time." Maya Angelou
"On the bright side, they named the crime after you."
Hugs
"Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have." Louis E. Boone
"I just got a raise and a six-week vacation!" "Good thing you're self-employed, Hon!"
Hugs
"Our dreams lift us high where the world becomes beautiful again." Chris T. Atkinson
"Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, 'That can't be right!'"
"He that has no patience has nothing at all" Italian Proverb
"I'm sorry we have to sneak around, but so many people think we don't belong together."
"Surround yourself with people who are going to motivate and inspire you." Charles M. Marcus
"Leave the spurs right there, cowboy!"
Hugs
"I am different but not less." Temple Grandin
"I don't need to know any math. I'm going to be a politician." ME: His mother would be so proud.
hugs
"Imperfection is beauty; madness is genius; and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." Marilyn Monroe
"You know, I honestly can't remember, how did we waste time before computers?"
"Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers."
"I don't think I have time to send out Christmas cards this year."
Hugs
"Every mountain top is within reach if you just keep climbing." Barry Finlay
"Geez, Earl, you'd better quit procrastinating and deliver it before the authorities come knocking!"
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." Arthur Ashe
"Oh, nothing much. I'm just outside tending my Herbs."
"You must learn a new way to think before you can learn a new way to be." Marianne Williamson
"Wait, wait. She just added it back to her cart."
Hugs
"We relish news of our heroes, forgetting that we are extraordinary to somebody too."
"Hmm, not a motorcycle anywhere in sight. Ya know, Leroy, I'm beginning to suspect that we may have to revise our concept of hog heaven."
"Be who you are and say what you mean. Because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss
"I've got one doctor whose only job is to keep track of all my other doctors."
hug
"To get up when you are down, to fight more intensely when you are struggling; to put in the extra effort when you are in sheer pain, to comeback when nobody expects you to, and to stand tall when everyone is pulling you down are what make a champion." Apoorve Dubey
"You see, Mr. Hobbes. He's nothing more than a doll. You were just imagining that little Calvin kid all along!"
"May your Hanukkah shine bright with Happiness and Peace."
"Be Happy. Be Yourself. If others don't like it, then let them be. Happiness is a choice. Life isn't about pleasing everybody."
"You're a plugger if the toys you played with as a kid are now considered antiques."
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." T.S. Eliot
"Since you're an introvert and timeouts don't seem to bother you, your punishment will be to find some kids at the park and play with them."
"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." Jawaharal Nehru
"A lot of husbands turn into babies when they're sick. Give him a few days and he'll be 42 again."
"Christmas Gift Suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect." Oren Arnold
"Christmas is all about love, family and children. It doesn't matter what we eat or what presents we get as long as the holidays are spent with loved ones. Happy Happy Happy Christmas!"
"It looks like everyone will be getting what they want this year. Somebody posted my credit card number on the internet!"
"Wisdom is knowing the right path to take. Integrity is taking it."
"It's just a matter of time before they add the word 'syndrome' after my name."
Hugs
"The best way to predict the future is to create it." Peter Drucker
"Humanity's last hope was that paper really did beat rock."
"Generosity can't be measured by the money or things we give but by the thoughts and feelings we create."
Bad news for absolutists… "No admittance without a sense of humor"
"If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great." Tom Hanks
"On a windy day, Gert and Tilley were able to beat the home's shuttle bus by a half hour."
Hugs
"Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them." William Arthur Ward
"The books on magic disappeared, the speedreading manuals are all overdue, the geography books are in the wrong locations, and now I can't fin the books on reincarnation!" "I know where those are---at the 'returns' counter!"
Hugs
"People with purpose, goals, and visions have no time for drama. They invest their energy in creativity and focus on living a positive life."
"Do you have a smartphone that isn't quite so smart? This one keeps arguing with me!"
Yep, our party starts at 7:00 and ends at 9:00!
Caz...?
"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn."
"My New Year's resolution is to be the light that protects you from the darkness in the New Year."
"Happy New Year!" "New Year? I haven't even finished with the previous year yet!"
"Those extra holiday pounds come in handy when you're sliding down the driveway on your butt!"
"This year, I resolve to procrastinate less!" "Honey, today is January 9th." "See, I'm better already! Last year I made the same resolution on February 15th."
Hugs
"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise." Les Misérables
Igloo Contractors: "Ready? Twist."
"Everything you can imagine is real."
The Real Fall from Grace: "Yes, I took all of them. It's my invention called 'banking'."
"Keep calm and think of the beach."
"My New Years resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic….like I won't mess that up right away!"
"Don't be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try."
"A plugger gets his morning news without clicking a mouse or TV remote and he can line his birdcage when he's through."
"Why wouldn't you want me in your garden? I'm a fungi. I wouldn't take up mushroom. In fact, I'd be no truffle at all."
Hugs
"It is better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction." Herman Siu
"The number one skill in life is not giving up." Bryant McGill
"Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I'm gonna duck--so it hits someone else."
"It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste." Henry Ford
"I started out on the highway of life and somehow I ended up on a cow path!"
Hugs
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The last time I had a salad and a rotisserie chicken, I tossed and turned all night."
"Women are the largest untapped reservoir of talent in the world." Hillary Clinton
Vasco da Gama encounters the most savage tribe of all: "I can't really understand what they're saying, but I think they call themselves "lawyers".
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it." Helen Keller
"I inherited all these cookbooks from my Mom! Just not her desire to actually use them!"
"You are more important than you realize."
"The end of the year is a good time to get rid of stuff. I started weeks ago by cleaning out my checking account."
"Freedom is never given; it is won."
"How many did you catch?"
Hugs
"The distance between your dreams and reality is called action."
The Ultimate Glass Ceiling
"Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
"If my body was a car, I'd trade it in for a newer model. Cause every time I cough or sneeze, my radiator leaks and my exhaust backfires."
"I promise if you keep searching for everything beautiful in this world, you will eventually become it." Tyler Kent Whit
Much like his old truck, a plugger himself has been "refurbished." High and low beam "headlight" (bifocals). Valve job (heart). Security system (suspenders). Joint replacement (knee). New treads (walking shoes).
"I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt, but I'm alive. I'm human and I'm not perfect but I'm thankful."
"I knew it was too good to be true when my horoscope said I was going to get poked by a younger man."
"You have to fight through some bad days to get to the best days of your life." Karen Salmansohn
"I could definitely be a morning person if morning started at noon."
"Stars can't shine without darkness."
"Sorry, but the last guy got all the pants!"
"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." Jim Rohn
"When people suck the life out of you, wouldn't it be great if they sucked some fat, too?"
"Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't."
"Tell me when it's over, Doc."
"The tears flow from my heart and turn into a river. The river has many bends, rocks and jagged edges, waves, and reflections. It reveals to me strength and surrender, love never-ending, and the new person emerging from this thing call grief. Grief does not define me but it has transformed me." Shannon Brooks
"I'll have what he's having, but change his order to the vegetarian special."
"You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be." Lou Holtz
"I'm not surprised Santa comes down the chimney. When have you ever known a man to do something the easy way?"
"The greater your storm the brighter your rainbow."
"I'm not a hoarder! I throw away a lot of things and where do you think they end up?"
"Change your language and you change your thoughts." Karl Albrecht
Education vs. Denial: Fruit & Veggies/Recommended by the World Health Organization Meat&Dairy/Whatever
"Your beliefs don't make you a better person; your behavior does."
"That moment you lower the music when looking for the street address so you can see better."
"If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough."
A plugger considers himself "getting lucky" when he walks into a room and remembers why he went there: "That's it! A screwdriver, duct tape and WD-40!"
Hugs
"The best way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." Walt Disney
"Sigh….This is Captain Kirk's old computer. There are a lot of…dramatic….pauses…!
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minute, including you."
"I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere."
"My biggest fear is being in the same place this time next year."
Things to Do Today…or NOT: "There's a lot less pressure this way!"
"You decide very moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second."
"Ernie, your personals ad doesn't mention that your car was repossessed and your power turned off." "It says that I 'enjoy long walks and candlelight dinners'!"
"Success doesn't happen overnight. Keep your eye on the prize and don't look back." Erin Andrews
"A man sees his wife is busy in the kitchen and says: 'Can I help?' She says, 'Sure, take this bag of potatoes, peel half of them and put them in a pot to boil.' No matter what men do, somehow, we still get yelled at…."
"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention."
"If we're gonna watch the news, I'll need my glasses….That's better."
"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them."
"My favorite day of the week to exercise will always be tomorrow."
"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you will go!" Dr. Seuss
"For a sec, I thought I was getting through to them."
"The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah
"Yeah, I've tried that before. Doesn't work."
"Are your knees swollen or are you going braless again?"
"If you can dream it, you can achieve it." Zig Ziglar
"My husband pissed me off today, so when he wasn't looking, I poured water on the floor in front of the dishwasher. He's been fixing it for the past 2 hours."
"Have you ever pushed yourself to your limit? Then how do you know that you have one?"
"With Valentines Day just around the corner, Tillie starts gearing up for dating season early."
"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." Zig Zagler
"There is no snooze button on a dog that wants breakfast."
"To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can't just accept the ones you like." Mike Gafka
"Press ONE to continue wasting your time in English.."
I'm back....sort of. Getting back to the routine.
"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
"In an attempt to slow down the carpenter ants, the Duffys release inspector ants."
"Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude." Ralph Marston
Bob suspects his bad day is about to get worse: "Let's begin with a search on how often you said, "With God as my witness"."
Bob suspects his bad day is about to get worse: "Let's begin with a search on how often you said, "With God as my witness"."
"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him." David Brinkley
"Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed….and clean the whole house while she sleeps."
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." Helen Keller
Every generation of pluggers has lived through times future generations can barely imagine: "I had to walk three miles to school….up hill each way." "Well, I had to walk across the living room every time I wanted to change the channels." "All I said was that I was still have to use 3G technology."
"Surround yourself with people who make you hungry for life, touch your heart, and nourish your soul."
The first time someone 'liked' a post: "Nice job!"
"To travel is to take a journey into yourself." Danny Kaye
"Remember: a glass of wine counts as a serving of fruit."
"What is Life? They say it's from B to D, From Birth to Death, but what's between B and D? It's a 'C'. So what is a 'C'? It is a Choice. Our Life is a matter of choices, Live well and it will never Go Wrong."
Phone Store/Billing Complaints: "You do have 'unlimited talk' but not unlimited listen!!"
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant." Robert Louis Stevenson
"Could you not teach too much today? I'm running low on available memory."
"I cannot change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
"Maybe I don't even like cheese! Maybe I'm lactose intolerant and prefer a nice quinoa muffin. Did you ever think about that?!"
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength."
Too many cooking shows spoil the broth: "Bourdain would keep it simple but super flavorful." "Julia would insist on more butter and wine." "Rachel would probably go for a boxed soup." "Ramsay would reduce the soup--and my ego."
12 Steps to Self Care: 1. If it feels wrong, don't do it. 2. Say 'exactly' what you mean. 3. Don't be a people pleaser. 4. Trust your instincts. 5. Never speak bad about yourself. 6. Never give up on your dreams. 7. Don't be afraid to say 'No'. 8. Don't be afraid to say 'Yes'. 9. Be kind to yourself. 10. Let go of what you can't control. 11. Stay ways from drama and negativity. 12. LOVE
"Wouldn't it be nice if retail therapy was covered by health insurance?"
"Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything."
"Stop! That is not what to do when we're out of baby wipes!"
"The fears we don't face become our limits."
Why there isn't a swearing-in of the lawyers: "Do you swear to deal with the truth, the whole truth, and not try to obfuscate the truth in order to win?" "Depends on your definition of 'truth'."
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle."
"I just ordered a life alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I'll be notified immediately."
"For every disciplined effort, there is a multiple reward."
Plugger distracted driving: "Eyes straight ahead, mister." "Wow! What a beauty! She's a '63 Ford Galaxie!"
"Still round the corner, there may wait a new road or a secret gate." J.R.R. Tolkien
"This year I'm going to be the best me yet. To be fair, the bar is already set pretty low."
"Risk: You won't create new life opportunities unless you're prepared to risk opening a few new gates."
Sign: "New! Safe and Defective!" "Tell marketing to stop relying on spell-check."
"Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination." Roy L. Goodman
The final entry in the candlestick maker's journal: Day eleven: I am quite concerned….There is no food anywhere and I'm trapped with, of all people, a butcher and a baker."
"Breathe"
"Hey, Clarence, quick, look down!" "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." Mother Teresa
"Stress, anxiety and depression are caused when we are living to please others." Paulo Coelho
"I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday."
"Wake up and be awesome!"
Sleeping Beauty: Fantasy Sleep-Deprived Beauty: Reality
"The Empearor strikes back" …"Past expearation date"…."empearsonator"
"Speared or visually impeared"…."supear hero"….."split pearsonality"
"pearanormal activity"…..."pearamedic"
"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it,--but we must sail, not drift, nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Helpful Tip: When your wife asks what's on TV, don't say dust."
"Sometimes in the waves of change, we find our true direction."
"Why is it again that baseball players need steroids to stand around for nine innings?"
"It's so easy for the mind to convince us it is our heart. Discern… your heart is the only one that can show you the way." Roxana Jones
"That's okay. Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets."
"The true nature of your mind does not harm, it heals." Ron W. Rathbun
"It's like you don't even know me!"
"Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself."
Guru: "If at first you don't succeed…" Charlie Brown: "Finish that sentence and you're a dead man."
"Every flower must grow through dirt."
Pest Control: "Sorry, mister. We don't do zucchini!"
"You are stronger than you think!"
"I just ran 5 miles and what a workout! I didn't think that ice cream truck would ever stop."
"Break Free! Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless." Jamie Paolinetti
"I want to be a teacher when I grow up. So, can I shadow you this term, Ms. Smith, and learn from you? Like what goes on behind the secret door?" [Teachers Lounge]
"The mountain we must conquer rests within ourselves." Roxana Jones
"We all get heavier as we get older because there's lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it."
"Rise up. Start fresh. See the bright opportunity in each new day."
"I've got the same needs as any warm-blooded woman….candy, cookies, donuts, ice cream.."
"Silence is the music of wisdom." Apoorve Dubey
"Relax, Pal, I'm just here for the rhododendron."
"Sparky! Your mother and I are shocked at your current behavior! Until you learn to conduct yourself properly, you're grounded!"
"The Journey is the reward." Chinese Proverb
Dyer's Block
"Be stubborn about your goals, and flexible about your methods."
Those maddening teachable moments with Uncle Isaac: "A body at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by.." "an outside source, I know, I know! Now will you please just shut up and push?!"
"Allow yourself to transform like a butterfly and let your true nature shine." Gaynor Parke
"I can't believe you joined the Practical Joke of the Month Club!'
"In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe." Michael Jackson
"Blessed are we, who can laugh at ourselves. For we will never cease to be amused."
"Next time you are in front of the mirror, let your heart be the one to observe the mind can play tricks on you. Use the eyes of the heart to see what your mind cannot show."
"C'mon! C'mon!" "This is taking forever!!" "She has coupons?!"
"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." Eleanor Roosevelt
"Minute and minute shouldn't be spelled the same. I'm not content with this content. I object to that object. I need to read what I read again. Excuse me but there's no excuse for this. Someone should wind this post up and throw it in the wind."
"Strength, courage and power do not exclude kindness, understanding and consideration. You can be strong and kind; you can be courageous and understanding; you can be powerful and considerate." Linda R. Dominguez
"A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius."
"Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps."
"You're a 'rodent behavioral therapist'! What is that?" "I pull habits out of rats."
"The earth has music for those who listen." William Shakespeare
"I hope she likes the turtle sculpture."
"Life will surprise you in the most unbelievable way if you let it." Roxana Jones
"Leave your footprints in the past. Look ahead while you feel the sand caressing your feet. Life loves you for what you are in this moment, not for the footprints you have left, those the sea will soon erase." Roxana Jones
"Getting up in the morning is a case of mind over mattress!!"
"Just beyond the horizon of the so-called impossible, is infinite possibility." Bryant McGill
"Finally, my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls."
Biology - The only science where multiplication and division mean the same thing.
"Sometimes you have to tell yourself 'I am a shark' and attack the day."
"Yesterday already had its turn. Give today a shot."
"I always try to learn from my mistakes. But, sometimes, it's just too much to keep track of!"
"Life is like a camera. Just focus on what is important. Capture the good times. Develop from the negatives. If things don't work out, take another shot!"
When a plugger gets a calling from a "higher power", it's not coming from heaven…it's Mrs. Plugger: "Andrew Bear!" "This doesn't sound good."
"My goal is not to be better than anyone else, but to be better than I used to be." Wayne Dyer
"YES YOU CAN! End of story."
Linked in circa 1736: "I'd like to connect with you on my network--oh, never mind--we're already linked in!"
If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up."
"I'm in the mood for a little treat, son. How'd you like some Baskin' 'robins'."
"Believe in yourself."
"I'm not bossy. I just have strong leadership skills."
"Make your comebacks stronger than your setbacks."
"Way to go. You cloned the black sheep of the family."
Hugs
"Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow."
"There's a problem. Every time that antibody tries to pick a fight, an endorphin tries to calm him down."
"Every day is a new beginning. Take a deep breath, smile and start again."
"Everyday is your chance to be great!"
"I fed the pigeons in the park once. Does that count as a "Twitter" feed?"
"Wishing you Peace, Love, and Happiness at Easter and always."
"I won't say my memory's bad, but it's to the point now that I can hide my own Easter eggs!"
"One small positive thought in the morning can change the entire outcome of your day!"
"Things to Do Today: 1. Finish yesterday's list"
"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein
"A bachelor plugger knows it's time to wash clothes when the only clean shorts left is a pair of swim trunks."
"If you quit once, it becomes a habit. Never quit." Michael Jordan
"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." Aesop
"I just read somewhere that 160 pounds is the new 135!"
"The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful you become."
"Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you quit, TRY!" Ernest Hemingway
"If you could read my mind, you'd back away slowly, than run for your life!"
"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." Dolly Parton
"How's the 'Great American Letter to the Editor' goin'?"
"Dream it. Wish it. Do it."
"The political debates had huge ratings." "'Dancing around the issues' topped 'Dancing with the Stars'!"
"My father game me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: He believed in me." Jim Valvano
"Just wanted to take a second and watch while you get that hair off the screen."
"Just wanted to take a second and watch while you get that hair off the screen."
"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will NOT refuse to do something I CAN do." Edward Everett Hale
"Accept what's happening in life right now, put what's happened behind you, let it all go and have faith that good things are coming your way."
"According to the MRI, you have your underwear on inside-out!"
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one."
"You're a plugger if your favorite shower song gets down to '42 bottles of beer on the wall' before the hot water runs cold."
"The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure." Stephen Richards
"I used to like those guys but I've discovered a new sound."
"Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don't see it yourself."
"Just one look at his mother's meat thermometer and Clyde miraculously felt well enough to go to school."
"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything that you have faced, all the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome." Ora
The thing you don't want to hear from the editor of your autobiography: "I'm sorry, but you have to make the main character more believable. No one is going to buy that he could be this much of a moronic schlep."
"You can have excuses or you can have results."
"I have everything in my purse you could possible imagine…except money."
"Happiness is not a destination but a choice based on thought. You can instantly uncover it because it's already inside you."
"I'd like to self-publish, but I'm afraid of self-rejection."
"The 3 C's of life: Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change."
"What's the first principle of Egyptian archaeology?" "Follow the mummy!"
"Keep calm and think of the beach."
"Difficulties break some men but make others." Nelson Mandela
"And then I heard a loud bang and when I turned back he was gone!"
"Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else." Les Brown
"You're a plugger if the toys you played with as a kid are now considered antiques."
"I hope that you become filled with so much happiness that it heals every part of you."
"If you don't build your dream, someone will hire you to help build theirs."
"If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return Mondays."
"Disappointment always arrives before hope and the darkness of night comes before the dawn. Don't lose hope now because things will [be] brighter with the new day." Henry Rollins
"I suppose we should congratulate ourselves for choosing a book that inspires so much passion."
"Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to him who endures that the final victory comes." Buddha
"Well, I suppose when it comes to territory encroachment, turnabout is fair play."
"If you fell down yesterday, stand up today." H.G. Wells
"I love how kids can never find their shoes but they can find a bit of mushroom in their dinner."
"No bird can fly without opening its wings. And no one can love without opening their heart." Mark Nepo
"Folks! This is not a 'Free Wi-Fi' symbol!"
"Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles." Sharon Jaynes
"Have hope; be strong; laugh loud and play hard. Live in the moment; smile often; dream big. Remember you are loved and never ever give up."
"For 'Who's the Fairest of Them All?', click on 'Frequently Asked Questions'."
"Don't follow your dreams, chase them!"
"Talk about irony. I ordered a GPS and it got lost in the mail!"
"Change your thoughts and you change your world." Norman Vincent Peale
"I superglued it."
"Be happy not because everything is good, but because you can see the good side of everything."
"I think you and I are supposed to mix."
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
Plugger scrapbooking
"Who did the mortician invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up."
"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But, the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." Mother Teresa
"The enemy crosses the moat! We must quickly dispose of him!" Whoosh! "Efficient, but I rather miss the heroism and romantic imagery."
"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." Jim Rohn
"A new survey says that a third of Americans believe we've been visited by extraterrestrials. I hope the aliens didn't look in Washington D.C. for intelligent life. I'd hate to see them come all that way for nothing."
"It is during the worst storm in your life that you get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you."
"I'm so sick of pepperoni pizza! Can't you order anything else?"
"Fitting in allows you to blend in with everyone else. But being different allows you to be yourself, to be unique and to be more creative." Sonya Parker
"Then Mister I'm-Tired-of-the-Wild-Life here says, 'Let's go hang out with the domesticated guys for a while.'."
"Sometimes, our only source of power are the thoughts we believe. No one can take what's inside your mind."
"You know you're getting old when you get 'butt jiggle', 'bingo wing flap' and 'boob wobble' when you brush your teeth."
"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that." Norman Vincent Peale
I may be a year older but Maxine says it all!
"I am on my way. I can go the distance." Hercules
"Highway of Life" "Crumbling Infrastructure Ahead"
"A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant."
"I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there. I have made several trips."
"Life is not a problem to solved, but a reality to be experienced." Soren Kierkegaard
"The drop in gas prices during a "stay at home order" is like a bald man winning a comb."
"As America celebrates Memorial Day, we pay tribute to those who have given their lives in our nation's wars." John M. McHugh
"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." G.K. Chesterton
"Our flag does not fly because the wind moves it. It flies with the last breath of each soldier who died protecting it." Unknown
"Your blood sugar is good, but your blood now consists of propane and barbecue sauce. Just how much grilling out on Memorial Day did you do?"
"We don't meet people by accident. Everyone is meant to cross our path for a reason."
"When traveling life's journey, it's good to have a friend's hand to hold on to."
"Plugger online streaming."
"Be strong. You never know who you are inspiring." Mel Robbins
"Technology advances; people stay the same."
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to break down and cry, show life that you have a million reasons to smile and laugh. Stay strong."
"I've got to start taking care of myself…whoever was supposed to be doing it has done a really crappy job!"
"In the long run always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." Mark Twain
"A lot of husbands turn into babies when they're sick. Give him a few days and he'll be 42 again."
"Never let your fear decide your future."
"Oh, I always thought it was just an allegory."
"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." Suzy Kassem
"We used to have village idiots, but with the Internet, they've gone global."
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars."
"It's so hard to believe he's gone. I was just at a party with him last night. Heck, we all were."
"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." Napoleon Hill
"Wayne, I'm pretty sure it's easier if you use the same hole to get up…"
"Just before sunrise there is a dark night."
"Mission Control? We're staying."
"You only fail when you stop trying."
"I'm not always right, but I'm never, ever, wrong."
"Fall in love with taking care of your body."
Legal disclaimer: McRonald's is not responsible for your happiness
"Never let your fear decide your future."
The Best Senior Moment: "I went to work this morning, but couldn't remember why. So I retired."
"The only person you should strive to be better than is the person you were yesterday." Matty Mullins
"What's the deal with all the message t-shirts?" "It's clothes captioning!"
"You have no boundaries in what you can achieve in life!" Ken Poirot
Welcome to Paris, Illinois: "You should have read the small print on your big vacation prize!"
"Hate has 4 letters, so does Love. Enemies has 7 letters, so does Friends. Lying has 5 letters, so does Truth. Negative has 8, so does Positive. Under has 5, so does Above. Cry has 3 letters, so does Joy. Anger has 5 letters, so does Happy. Right has 5 letters, so does Wrong. Hurt has 4 letters, so does Heal. It means life is like [a] double-edged sword. So transform every negative side into an aura of positivity. We choose the better side of the life."
Nature's Productivity Hacks: Birds: "The early bird catches the worm." Worms: "Don't show up. Sleep until noon."
"Be willing to be a beginner every single morning." Meister Eckhart
Unfortunately for Duane, the term "eagle eye" didn't apply to him. "Yeesh! This is one heavy squirrel!"
Here's another example for Yarn Bombing Day.
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." Helen Keller
"I'm tellin' you guys, my granddaughter says I can watch TV on my phone!"
"When the well is dry, we know the worth of water." Benjamin Franklin
"I used to do the 'Twist and Shout', but then I got a hip replacement and I was fine."
"Stop overthinking."
"The Johnson boys discover why cow tipping never quite caught on in Texas."
"Once you choose hope anything is possible." Christopher Reeve
"Remember what I said about being on Facebook while laying bricks?"
"Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one." Hans Selye
"Mom, We're making you famous on Youtube!"
"If you change your mindset, you have the ability to your whole world." Damien Thomas
"Coffee: A magical substance that turns, 'Leave me alone or die.' into, 'Good morning, Honey.'"
"How does blaming others for your situation empower you towards a better life? Take responsibility for your actions and choose a better future." Nathan Driskell
"Cut! That was fine but it's still not creepy enough!" "Send in the clowns!"
Celebrate Emancipation! Juneteenth! A celebration of freedom!
"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa.. The whole what? And nothing but the what? Sounds like a perjury trap to me!"
"Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try."
"Happy, Dopey, Bashful, Grumpy--it's like living in a house full of mood swings!"
"Here is to all the fathers out there who have been able to believe in their children no matter what."
"What are you doing, Dad?" "Not a hole lot."
BAD DAD JOKES!
1. When driving past a graveyard: People are dying to get in there!
2. "Dad, I'm thirsty." "Hi, Thursday! I'm Friday!"
3. "Put the cat out." "I didn't know it was on fire!"
4. "Where's your bin?" "I haven't been anywhere!"
5. "Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, they don't fit me!"
6. "Pull my finger!"
"Take what you have and use it to create what you want."
"Are you sure you want to ruin your day so early?"
"Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal." E. Joseph Cossman
"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. You've reached the age where doctors appear to be too young to know anything."
"Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear."
"Karl begins to question the wisdom of the new doggy-door."
"Associate with those who help you believe in yourself." Brooks Robinson
"I went outside to check on my plants. I felt something cold and wet on my arm. I looked down and saw a mosquito using a wet wipe before he bit me."
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." John Wayne
"You've got to blaze your own trail. It's the only way you'll get any peace and quiet."
"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." A.A. Milne
"I'm never lonely. Because I have four men in my life. I get up with Charlie Horse. I spend the day with Arthur It is. I dine with Will Power, and I go to bed with Ben Gay!"
"One of the greatest mental freedoms is truly not caring what anyone else thinks of you."
"I used to be somebody. I used to be a contender."
"The kindest thing you can do for someone else is listen without forming an opinion." Lori Deschene
Somewhere at Autocorrect Headquarters: "Kiss" to "kick". "Catch" to "crotch". "Congratulations" to "come grab my fat shins".
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what make life meaningful." Joshua J. Marine
"I wish going to the gym was as easy as going to the fridge!"
"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." Napoleon Hill
Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom." Husband (and soon to be on the couch): "Next time take the car, silly."
"To get up when you are down; to fight more intensely when you are struggling; to put in the extra effort when you are in sheer pain; to come back when nobody expects you to; and to stand tall when everyone is pulling you down are what make a champion." Apoorve Dubey
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it's stupid." Albert Einstein
"We think we found a weakness in this enemy and sent in Cody. How did it go, Cody?"
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Thomas Jefferson
"Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable. Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals." Martin Luther King Jr.
"A 4th of July planning tip: this year throw veggie burgers on the grill..and next year, someone else will host the cookout."
"Today I will do what others won't so tomorrow I can do what others can't."
"So why can't I claim depreciation on my joints?"
ME: Very timely as I finally an scheduled for my hip replacement.
"Stand for what is right even if that means standing alone."
"That thing is trying to take our jobs!"
"Be strong but not rude. Be kind but not weak. Be humble but not timid. Be proud but not arrogant."
"Wow, you are really rockin' those white pants!" "These are my legs!"
"Success isn't overnight. It's when everyday you get a little better than the day before. It all adds up." Dwayne Johnson
"A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles." Tim Cahill
"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." Beverly Sills
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain
"If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quits their job. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first."
"The arrival of the morning sun means another day has just begun. I give thanks for all I have today, tomorrow, and in my past. Another day to be all I can be no matter the negativity that tries to defeat me. Yes, optimistic I will stay. Thanks to the morning sun that starts my day." Ramona Spires
"Hello, my name is Idaho Montoya. You peeled my father. Prepare to fry."
"New day. New thoughts. New strength. New possibilities." Karen Salmansohn
"I've decided to start eating more vegetables for lunch." "Carrot cake is not a vegetable."
"I've decided to start eating more vegetables for lunch." "Carrot cake is not a vegetable."
"I haven't' been everywhere but it's on my list." Susan Sontag
"Don't worry about getting older. You're still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower."
"You only fail when you stop trying."
"I used to have an hour glass figure and then the hours of time shifted."
"Just because you're taking longer than others does not mean you're a failure. Keep going."
"At the end of the day, I wish life would ask us, "Do you want to save the changes?""
"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." Confucius
"You're such a pessimist! I say it's half empty!"
"You don't need a new sunrise to start over, you only need a new mindset."
"The boiling frog theory states that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is slowly heated, it will not perceive the danger and die." "I don't get the relevance. Isn't this supposed to be a seminar on climate change?"
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." Christopher Reeve
"From what I understand, the noise was horrific."
"Looking back, you realize that everything would have explained itself if you had only stopped interrupting." Robert Brault
"This heat wave is brutal! Not only is it hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you can use your mailbox as a toaster oven."
"When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top."
"Okay, one more game of peek-a-boo, but that's it!"
"Sometimes being understanding is more important than being right. Sometimes we need not a brilliant mind that speaks but a patient heart that listens. Not keen eyes that always see faults but open arms that accept. Not a finger that points out mistakes but gentle hands that lead."
"Ohh! So you're the one who took all our jobs."
"Despite the forecast, live like it's spring. Make sure to find joy in the smallest of things in your life." Lilly Pulitzer
"I used to be somebody. I used to be a contender."
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle." Christian D. Larson
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.
"Finally, my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls."
"Don't wait for things to get easier, simpler or better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now. Otherwise, you'll run out of time."
"It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces!"
"When life throws you a rainy day, play in the puddles." Pooh Bear
"Aging may have slowed me down, but it hasn't shut me up!"
"The Moon taught me: It's Ok to go through Phases The Sun taught me: No matter how many times you go down, to keep rising."
"I'm perfect in my imperfections, strong in my weaknesses and beautiful in my own way because I'm me and that's OK."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today! Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money."
"You don't have to be skinny to be sexy or beautiful. Beauty is the size of your heart, NOT the size of your jeans." Anon
"He did it."
Before your head hits the pillow tonight, remind yourself of the things you did right. Let go of the things you could have done better. Be patient with yourself, and remember that big things are achieved not all at once, but rather one day at a time."
"Hell hath no fury, like a woman who just spilled her guts into an 8 paragraph text, and you reply 'ok'."
"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver."
"It says 'Showers expected' but there's not a cloud in the sky."
"Surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel. Energies are contagious."
"Where is Catwoman?" "She got sidetracked!"
"Listen and Silent are spelled with the same letters. Think About It."
"Diet Day 1: I have removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious."
"Don't cry over spilled milk. Turn the udder cheek and moo-ve on."
"Saw my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf."
"Celebrate! Celebrate! Dance to the Music!"
"Eve, yesterday we're fighting, today you're giving me new boxers. I don't get it!"
"The greatest gift that you can give to this world is to make the mind still." Ajahn Chah
"All this time, I thought she was calling for her 'Auntie Em'."
"Don't apologize for: your wrinkles, your opinions, your flabby bits, your past, your smile, your thighs or your beliefs. Just relax, you wonderful thing, and celebrate by living!"
"You whippersnappers think you got it tough? Gather 'round and let me tell you where I've been."
"Rest and play makes for a happier day!"
"You've put on a little weight since last.." "Gimme a minute!"
Piglet: "How do you spell 'love'?" Pooh: "You don't spell it, you feel it." A.A. Milne
"Some cruise! It rained for the entire trip!"
"Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss
"My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life."
"The past has no power over the present moment." Eckhart Tolle
"Just because I give advice, doesn't mean I'm smarter than you. It means I've done more stupid stuff than you."
"Life's way too short to be grumpy." Sara L. Clarke
"When the kitchen smells of delicious home-cooked food, it can only mean one thing. We're not in my kitchen."
"The most important thing you will ever wear is your attitude." Jeff Moore
"You cannot do a kindness too soon. For you never know how soon it will be too late." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When your world grows dark and your soul feels heavy, rise up to meet the sky, spend the night with infinity. Let the universe wrap its arms around you as you draw courage from the stars. Rest your weary head on hope and know that you are loved, for love is everywhere." Christy Ann Martine
"Look, I don't like you. You don't like me. But we gotta make this work, for the kids." --me to my swimsuit before taking the kids to the pool.
"A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence." James N. Watkins
"I don't always have the perfect comeback. But when I do, it's usually the next day. In the shower."
"Always end the day with a positive thought. No matter how hard things were, tomorrow's a fresh opportunity to make it better."
"My goal this weekend is to move just enough so no one things I'm dead."
"Our eyes are in front because it's more important to look ahead than to look back. Don't dwell on things in the past. Learn from them and keep moving forward."
"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." Earl Nightingale
"Someone told me I was delusional. I almost fell off my unicorn."
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