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One Year Spark-Versary

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I don't mean to be a downer, but my spark-versary was definitely one of my worst nutritional days in a very, very long time... and I know exactly why.

After a year, a lot has changed. For one, I have lost 40 pounds. That's big, and that's important. I have gone from pushing 18 to a comfortable size 13/14. That's big too. I have gone from not being able to run at all to comfortably running a mile or two at a time. That's important. I have gone from eating God only knows how many calories a day to tracking my food every day, no matter what went into my face. It counts. That's why today wasn't the best.

I can't tell you how terrible my eating was today. I went to work thinking, "It's all figured out. I steamed my broccoli and will just mix it in with my Chinese leftovers for lunch, then I'll go home and have a nice nutritious dinner to make up for the added sodium!" Sounds like a plan, right? Well, my work partner and I had to train the newbies today since we'll both be leaving in a week... not fun, but hey, it's gotta be done. After sitting with them for an hour, she looks at me and goes "I'm hungry." This, of course, means, "Let's go out and get lunch." Now, I was ok with this... you know, I'll just have a Subway turkey breast sub, no biggie.

Well, my TOM is just around the corner (supposed to start Tuesday), and when I got to the food court, I REALLY wanted Taco Bell. But I also REALLY wanted a turkey breast sub. So I got the sub and an order of Taco Bell nachos.

Who knew nachos had 330 calories? Certainly not me. But I ate them like they had 0.

Ok, so I messed up... there's still hope for my nutritious dinner, right? I have my Morning Star chicken patty, asparagus, and corn already cooked up and just waiting to be reheated when I get home. So I walk home in the 90 degree heat with humidity... disgusting, but hey, good exercise... and only about 10 minutes after I get home from my 20-25 minute walk home my partner calls me.

"Professor Cai wants us to go to the barbeque."

Yeah, the barbeque back at work. Over a mile away. In the heat. Needless to say, I was hungry (it had been a while since lunch) and now seriously enraged (I was NOT walking three more miles in this GOD FORSAKEN HEAT). Not to mention the fact that Professor Cai wanted us to meet her in 10 minutes. Over a mile away.

I decided to drive my car the 10 blocks to work. She made it sound like it was going to be this huge party. There were maybe 30 people there, and pretty much everyone left within 15 minutes of us arriving. I was enraged, and do we know what Liz does when she's enraged?

Oh yes. She eats. I had a hamburger on a hot dog bun (fun times) with ketchup (no mayo, though, yay?), a couple of grapes, a couple of blueberries, a cookie and a half, and sweet tea. Oh yeah, and did I mention the fact that I picked up a Snickers bar on my first trip home from work? Because I definitely ate half of it on my way home and split the other half with my partner at the party.

Now I feel a bit guilty and disgusted, but I'm trying not to beat myself up about it too bad. Part of it was ignorance, the other part was lost control, but the control is back now. I've eaten 1850+ calories today, but it could be worse... and there's nothing wrong with having a maintenance day once in a while, right?

I mostly feel guilty because I was doing so well. I had hit a mini-stand still the past week or two (no progress), and I was down to 153.6. I weighed twice because I couldn't believe it. And now I know I'm going to be up tomorrow because of all the sodium and bad food I ate today. I feel like I just sabotaged myself.

Maybe I'm just searching for attention. I don't really know. I know I've been feeling really crappy the last few days. I've been trying to blame it on my TOM. I've just been feeling really lonely and depressed and unmotivated, eating not-so-good foods for me... check my trackers and you'll see.

I guess tomorrow will be better... hopefully. I'm definitely running tomorrow morning, so there's that.

Thanks for reading my whines, haha. Liz, signing out, deuces!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SEEHOLZ
    Sweetie, you'll be okay. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but you are being too hard on yourself- no kidding here!
    You ate better than I do most days-- well, not that i see any results-LOL-but still! You are doing fabulous and you had a bad day and I hope, now that I write this you've had plenty great days!
    Anyways, happy Sparkversary and thanks for supporting me along the way! I migth just be time to be your own best friend for a change!
    Hugs,

    Patty
    4208 days ago
  • LYNNETH7
    .
    4209 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/20/2009 2:17:14 AM
  • LYNNETH7
    Don't let little slip ups break down your motivation. It takes like 3500 extra calories to gain a pound... eating 1850 one day will NOT take you there. I can totally empathize with your feelings of loneliness and depression -- and imminent TOM -- and I hope you start feeling better soon. I had a CRAP TASTIC week chock full of bad eating and lack of doing ANYTHING and just feeling generally tired and miserable. Today, I am glad to report, was different. I ate all of my freggies and spaced out my carbs throughout 4-5 meals, and it REALLY helped to keep my energy up and constant all day. Maybe switching up your diet for a day would help you, too. Good luck! keep perspective.... if you take more steps in the positive direction than negative, you're still moving toward your goal. emoticon
    4209 days ago
  • ALLFORME4EVER

    "Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain." ~Author Unknown

    Hi Liz!
    First of all, sending you a great big (((((SPARKHUG)))))! Deep breath, regroup, and everything is going to be ok. YOU are a DONE girl, and YOU KNOW we don't give up! Sorry about your off day, and there are plenty of us who can relate.

    I am VERY PROUD of you!! You know why? A lot of the times, when we have off days such as this, we seem to forget all the tremendous accomplishments that we've already made, and we just focus on the negatives and how much we've failed. I'm proud of you because right away, you acknowledged all your INCREDIBLE achievements you've made over the last year! CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU! GIVE YOURSELF A HUGE PAT ON THE BACK AND ALL THE CREDIT IN THE WORLD! YOU ARE DOING AMAZING!

    At risk of sounding cliché' you didn't throw in the towel, like a lot of other would have. After maybe not making the best choice at lunch, you still remained focused that you were going to have a nutritious dinner. Well, plans changed. It's ok. You were still able to point out the positive that you didn't have mayo and it still could have been worse! A lot of people, once they realize "have blown it" for the day, don't even bother continue tracking the calories, because they don't want to know the damage. You still kept track and in turn by doing that and writing this blog, you're holding yourself accountable for the day and facing it head on. You're getting it out there so you can let it go and move on. Tomorrow is a new day.

    This is where a lot of people just give up, but you are still going strong DONE girl! YOU ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS and YOU KNOW YOU ARE WORTH IT!

    Here for you Liz!
    Hope you have a great weekend!
    ~Mel

    4211 days ago
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