One Year Spark-Versary
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I don't mean to be a downer, but my spark-versary was definitely one of my worst nutritional days in a very, very long time... and I know exactly why.
After a year, a lot has changed. For one, I have lost 40 pounds. That's big, and that's important. I have gone from pushing 18 to a comfortable size 13/14. That's big too. I have gone from not being able to run at all to comfortably running a mile or two at a time. That's important. I have gone from eating God only knows how many calories a day to tracking my food every day, no matter what went into my face. It counts. That's why today wasn't the best.
I can't tell you how terrible my eating was today. I went to work thinking, "It's all figured out. I steamed my broccoli and will just mix it in with my Chinese leftovers for lunch, then I'll go home and have a nice nutritious dinner to make up for the added sodium!" Sounds like a plan, right? Well, my work partner and I had to train the newbies today since we'll both be leaving in a week... not fun, but hey, it's gotta be done. After sitting with them for an hour, she looks at me and goes "I'm hungry." This, of course, means, "Let's go out and get lunch." Now, I was ok with this... you know, I'll just have a Subway turkey breast sub, no biggie.
Well, my TOM is just around the corner (supposed to start Tuesday), and when I got to the food court, I REALLY wanted Taco Bell. But I also REALLY wanted a turkey breast sub. So I got the sub and an order of Taco Bell nachos.
Who knew nachos had 330 calories? Certainly not me. But I ate them like they had 0.
Ok, so I messed up... there's still hope for my nutritious dinner, right? I have my Morning Star chicken patty, asparagus, and corn already cooked up and just waiting to be reheated when I get home. So I walk home in the 90 degree heat with humidity... disgusting, but hey, good exercise... and only about 10 minutes after I get home from my 20-25 minute walk home my partner calls me.
"Professor Cai wants us to go to the barbeque."
Yeah, the barbeque back at work. Over a mile away. In the heat. Needless to say, I was hungry (it had been a while since lunch) and now seriously enraged (I was NOT walking three more miles in this GOD FORSAKEN HEAT). Not to mention the fact that Professor Cai wanted us to meet her in 10 minutes. Over a mile away.
I decided to drive my car the 10 blocks to work. She made it sound like it was going to be this huge party. There were maybe 30 people there, and pretty much everyone left within 15 minutes of us arriving. I was enraged, and do we know what Liz does when she's enraged?
Oh yes. She eats. I had a hamburger on a hot dog bun (fun times) with ketchup (no mayo, though, yay?), a couple of grapes, a couple of blueberries, a cookie and a half, and sweet tea. Oh yeah, and did I mention the fact that I picked up a Snickers bar on my first trip home from work? Because I definitely ate half of it on my way home and split the other half with my partner at the party.
Now I feel a bit guilty and disgusted, but I'm trying not to beat myself up about it too bad. Part of it was ignorance, the other part was lost control, but the control is back now. I've eaten 1850+ calories today, but it could be worse... and there's nothing wrong with having a maintenance day once in a while, right?
I mostly feel guilty because I was doing so well. I had hit a mini-stand still the past week or two (no progress), and I was down to 153.6. I weighed twice because I couldn't believe it. And now I know I'm going to be up tomorrow because of all the sodium and bad food I ate today. I feel like I just sabotaged myself.
Maybe I'm just searching for attention. I don't really know. I know I've been feeling really crappy the last few days. I've been trying to blame it on my TOM. I've just been feeling really lonely and depressed and unmotivated, eating not-so-good foods for me... check my trackers and you'll see.
I guess tomorrow will be better... hopefully. I'm definitely running tomorrow morning, so there's that.
Thanks for reading my whines, haha. Liz, signing out, deuces!