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Where is Sleep

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

All I wanted was some rest and now that I can have it, I can't sleep. DH and I are both wide awake-I guess in a sort of shock. We knew this day was coming and I could see dad declining but no matter what, I guess we are never really ready for death to come and steal our loved ones from us. We have been sitting here reminiscing and going over tonight. In hindsight we think he was telling us goodbye tonight. When we talked about rehab, he said he wouldn't be going. He told his nurse who was going home at 7 that he wouldn't be there when she returned on Fri. I think she must have known he didn't have long, she gave him a hug and a kiss and told him she was firm believer in the Lord and they would meet again someday.
I am glad we had the past 2 1/2 years with him. Sometimes it was very frustrating, sometimes he could be a real pill, but most times we enjoyed him and don't regret moving him from Illinois to Florida so we could care for him. We will always have our memories. If we hadn't done that, he would have had to go to a nursing home and he didn't want that. Our lives were very limited while we cared for him but we knew that it would not last forever and I am so happy that he never had to go to the dreaded nursing home. Just wish his last 3 days hadn't been so painful for him.
A very big void has been left in our life and it is going to take some getting used to but we are at peace knowing he truly is in a better place.
Thank you everyone for all your caring words - I read them to DH and we cry a little and smile a little and we will get thru this and know we are better for having been down this path.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Although I am so sorry for you loss, I am glad that your dad had you to love him and kept him from a nursing home. Allow yourself time to grieve...it is only natural. May your memories help and comfort you as you remember him with a smile knowing he will always reside in your heart. Sending healing prayers and blessings...
    3355 days ago
    He is truly at peace and you did more than most. You put him first and he would want you to go on. He knew and felt your love. Cherish your memories. HUGS!
    3356 days ago
    I knew a man that told others he wouldn't be there. He died that day after coming home from church. He wrote a card to his wife telling her to look in a box. In it, he had placed cards for all of family for the coming year. He knew!

    The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes chapter 3, that there is a time. You gave your father his independence and time with family that he wouldn't have had otherwise. I am sure he valued all that you did for him.
    3357 days ago
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    Pat - I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose your dad and no words are going to make the pain go away. You and your family will be in my thoughts. Be sure to take care of yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. emoticon
    3357 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8667808
    I'm glad he had you, Pat. I believe he would agree with me that you win the Best Daughter award, since you worked so hard for him. Your life will change a lot from now on, just take it at your pace, focus on yours and dh's health, and be good to yourselves. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3357 days ago
  • DOODIE59
    Pat, you have a beautiful gift of clarity. You see your circumstances as they are, and deal with the reality. Your father was very, very fortunate to have your commitment and support to keep him out of an old folks' home. I know his loss hurts, but you can be very satisfied with your role in keeping his life the way he wanted it. Job well done:)

    Best wishes,
    And I hope sleep comes soon:)
    3357 days ago
    Hugs to you and sorry about your loss.
    3357 days ago
    Prayers for you and condolences. Those first days are hard. If I could find one, I'd send you a virtual shawl goodie to wrap up in and feel arms of comfort around you.
    3357 days ago
    Yes, it's a shock to the mind and the body when we lose someone dear to us. Be extra gentle with yourself and others right now. Allow for times when you might feel confused, forgetful. Write things down and cross them off your list to stay on track. Stay with a routine as much as possible. Allow others to support you physically and emotionally right now. Sending healing prayers.
    3357 days ago
    You are loved by many and valued by me.
    3358 days ago
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