Starting Over Is Gonna Be Hard
Monday, January 02, 2012
2012 is starting a new whole new chapter in DH's and my life. For the past 2 and 1/2 years our life has revolved around taking care of my dad and now that is no longer an issue. We still have things to resolve such as getting his home cleaned out and put up for sale but that won't take long.
I have felt guilty that I wasn't giving either he or DH enough attention and never seemed to have time for myself. Now I can concentrate wholly on getting DH thru his radiation.
No longer do we have to rush home to be sure that he gets his meals on time. It is liberating to know we can do things on our own schedule and not his, but it is also sad.
Little things are still setting me off. I know as the days pass it will get easier and I won't think that this time last week, month, year, you get the picture, that dad was here or doing this or that.
We can now plan to go north this summer to see our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren without having to worry about the logistics of getting someone to take care of dad.
We are even talking about starting to look for a small rv for travel, don't know if it is something we will do, but at least we are free to consider it. Before, we would talk about it but knew it made no sense to buy something we would not be able to use.
I will now have more time to devote to ME. I hope to be able to spend a little longer at the gym and can fix meals on my schedule. I no longer have to bake to be sure dad had the sweets he so dearly loved. He had no weight problem, in fact he actually needed to put on weight, so I tried to cook things I knew I could get him to eat.
So, 2012 is the start of a whole new life for myself and DH. We are going to have to figure out a new normal. We look forward to moving forward and making this a great year, a time of healing and learning what will work to grow healthier on this journey we continue daily.
Nothing worth having comes to us easily and finding peace is going to take time, but it will come, I have faith that it will because God is always with us and I know he is helping every way he can to get us thru the valley and into the sunlight again.