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Starting Over Is Gonna Be Hard

Monday, January 02, 2012

2012 is starting a new whole new chapter in DH's and my life. For the past 2 and 1/2 years our life has revolved around taking care of my dad and now that is no longer an issue. We still have things to resolve such as getting his home cleaned out and put up for sale but that won't take long.
I have felt guilty that I wasn't giving either he or DH enough attention and never seemed to have time for myself. Now I can concentrate wholly on getting DH thru his radiation.
No longer do we have to rush home to be sure that he gets his meals on time. It is liberating to know we can do things on our own schedule and not his, but it is also sad.
Little things are still setting me off. I know as the days pass it will get easier and I won't think that this time last week, month, year, you get the picture, that dad was here or doing this or that.
We can now plan to go north this summer to see our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren without having to worry about the logistics of getting someone to take care of dad.
We are even talking about starting to look for a small rv for travel, don't know if it is something we will do, but at least we are free to consider it. Before, we would talk about it but knew it made no sense to buy something we would not be able to use.
I will now have more time to devote to ME. I hope to be able to spend a little longer at the gym and can fix meals on my schedule. I no longer have to bake to be sure dad had the sweets he so dearly loved. He had no weight problem, in fact he actually needed to put on weight, so I tried to cook things I knew I could get him to eat.
So, 2012 is the start of a whole new life for myself and DH. We are going to have to figure out a new normal. We look forward to moving forward and making this a great year, a time of healing and learning what will work to grow healthier on this journey we continue daily.
Nothing worth having comes to us easily and finding peace is going to take time, but it will come, I have faith that it will because God is always with us and I know he is helping every way he can to get us thru the valley and into the sunlight again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CHEVY63
    Yes, it will be hard getting used to the new normal. Be sure to take care of yourself!
    3350 days ago
    My prayers are with you and your husband!
    3350 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7403040
    You're right, it's not going to be easy. It's one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. It will get easier in time and there will be times when it hits you out of nowhere. Allow yourself time to grieve and be sure to take care of YOU.
    3350 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8667808
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    "I will now have more time to devote to ME."
    I was hoping you'd say that at some point. emoticon
    3350 days ago
  • DOODIE59
    Yes, you will have a lot more freedom this year. It is freeing to be able to dream of possibilities so it is good news you are toying with the idea of an RV. You just have to get through the stress of the next three months, then you can reward yourselves in the best way you see fit ... travel, it sounds like:)

    Now it is your time in the cycle of life to do those things that enrich your time together with DH. Have a ball:)
    3350 days ago
    I have and am in your shoes. It does get bettr but there are times that the tears will flow.
    Take this opportunity to grow and share with DH, family and friends.
    3351 days ago
    God will definitely show you the way to smiling again as He brings you peace and comfort. I know this experience has changed you forever. Just remember all the good times you shared with your father and all the love you had for each other throughout the years. He is not gone. He will live in your heart forever. Your Dad is your personal angel now and he will watch over you.
    God is walking with you each step of the way. Now is the time to focus on you and your DH. Take each day as it comes doing what you can for both of you. Whatever you do, allow some time just for you.
    3351 days ago
    You are doing the right thing.
    3351 days ago
    Your father certainly appreciated all you did for him. Now he is at rest and now you can focus on yourself and DH. Never regret the things you left undone for his sake. Move ahead slowly and adjust to the new year. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself a break. Take time for you and smile. Dad would approve. HUGS!
    3351 days ago
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