New Alphabet :

A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now The Alphabet:

A is for arthritis; B is for the bad back; C is for the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?

D is for dental decay and decline; E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for farting and fluid retention; G is for gut droop, which I'd rather not mention.

H is for high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend; K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is for neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!

P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears; T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..

W is for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is for another year I'm left here behind; Z is for zest I still have -- in my mind!

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed.

And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!