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Two Cents about Two Tenths

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

So, this is it. Ten weeks of relentless effort and focus comes down to the reading on the scale after all. It's the scale that determines progress, it's the scale that provides criteria for ranking. We talk reassuringly about the non- scale benefits and victories, but the focus quickly returns to the WI. That's what counts, really. Has to be that way. The goal is weight loss, right? How would one rank NSV’s, or fitting back into an outfit one had ‘outgrown’ long ago? Two tenths of a pound isn’t much but might as well be 20 pounds on this evening. It separates success and failure, it defines defeat, missing the goal, coming up short, lacking whatever has worked during the past weeks but didn’t this week. It’s not like I tried to blow it, or totally ignored the plan that has worked all along. I worked hard, it just wasn’t enough this week. That’s the fact of the matter. It wasn’t enough effort, not enough focus, too much of something else…indulgence? Excess?

It doesn’t matter about the details. The truth of the matter is a weight gain, so what’s the use? If, after 788 fitness minutes this week, I gain weight, there is no hope of staying for long in this place. 788 minutes is not sustainable. I’m tired, my body is tired, my mind is tired. But that really doesn’t matter either because there is one week to go on this challenge. One week. The goal is in sight, that goal set weeks ago is just 1.2 lbs away. Very do-able in a week’s time, manageable. So, do I have the drive to continue pushing toward the goal? Do I allow this momentary disappointment to carry me downstream in the current of self-pity and total defeat….OR do I acknowledge these feelings of failure because I am feeling pretty rotten right now, pick myself up, shake this disappointment off, tie up my laces and get back in the hunt, perhaps more determined than ever? I know I haven’t failed. The strength I‘ve gained throughout the challenge is not going to let me down, even though a weight gain is a weight gain. It changes things, for sure, but does not signal defeat unless I allow it to overwhelm me.

I will work this week to lose the 1.2 pounds rather than wallow in the .2 gain. Wallowing is not making me feel very happy with myself. Wallowing will not build up my resolve, it drains me. Time to stop the energy drain and re-focus my attention on making the best choices I can starting right now. Adding a bit more, taking a little away, finding balance and letting go, finding grace in the truth of the matter. Ego is mourning pride’s loss while Self is holding steady, feet solidly planted, resolve intact. I can do this! I am CAMO strong!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Deb! emoticon emoticon
    1987 days ago
    YOU are so much more then any number!!! I appreciate the feelings you expressed and thank you for that. Feelings ALL of us have smashing into us at times. The best thing is you did not let that number define you...you saw it, acknowledged it, and are letting it pass by you and moving onward towards the goals you have set. After all You get to define your OWN definition of success...and YOU GF are success!!
    1995 days ago
    I like how you said that you “acknowledged" your feelings of failure. You didn't give in. You dealt with it and pressed on. I am inspired! I will remember this post the next time I feel like quitting. Thanks, I'm rooting for you!
    1997 days ago
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