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this past week....and last

Sunday, November 22, 2020

this past week I can say that I have been really struggling due to what happened last Friday......and I am not sure I really want to post it in any real detail..... so for now I'm not. I am okay, but I am pissed off because I should have taken action earlier, but I didn't... maybe because I thought it would get better, change or something... now I am stuck for now having to deal with this person yet again due to this crisis......and I think it has lead to some of those behaviors getting back in or trying to get back in. I am just mad at myself.

I do have a plan to start making those changes this coming week...to help remedy the situation...but it won't be instantaneous....as I will have to wait....it's just part of the process...I know this...but I should have done this quite sometime ago.

The other thing I am just picking on myself...because while I have lost weight... I haven't gotten any leggings yet... and I had promised myself I would a while back. Either I can't make up my mind, I don't feel that I deserve them or I just don't feel I should get them now...as of last week.. Some more unexpected bills will probably put off that purchase a little while longer...

on to other subjects.. I am trying to decide what to do for the holidays.. should I do a challenge.. should I focus on maintaining vs...the potential gain which I could have.
I haven't even gotten on the scale due to this past week.. and well it has also been shark week... so no sense in it.... my weight will automatically be up and with my eating this past week... I fear I would just become more down on myself.

I know I need to get back on...then put my head back into the sand... It's just a number..but I still put so much weight on that number. I have other NSVs. I know I am just in a mood today...

The holidays are hard... the anniversary of my Grandmother passing is coming up in a couple of days...And while there isn't as much pain from this...as the years have gone by... this year especially I am so yearning for family connection... and it so hard given the current situation. It was so hard not being able to go see mom this year. It isn't easy for anyone.

I did put of the Christmas decorations.. The earliest I have done in years. I just needed to do it I think. This year has been so awful, in some sense, but a blessing in other ways. I'm going to have a nontraditional meal for Thanksgiving. I am making some healthy beef stroganoff with some sauteed brussel sprouts on the side. I want something relatively no muss, no fuss... Over the past several years, I have done cornish hens and the assorted sides...but I just don't want to mess with it, this year. There will also be some cranberry sauce...that my roommate will make... once I made the homemade cranberry sauce... she couldn't believe the difference between the processed and homemade... so she is probably going to make that...

There will of course be pumpkin pie... can't not have Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie. Well, it would be really hard.

I finally finished the owl rhinestone painting... I decided this type of crafting is not really for me... I don't know if I will do another one of these. I have try to iron out those wrinkles some more and then this week get it framed so I can get it in the mail for Christmas.

that's all for now. thanks for reading.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know, I have spiraled a few times this week also. Just aware of how different this year is from years past can be tiring. I'm trying to do things so differently, so I don't feel the lack, but there are hard moments. I think your thanksgiving sounds lovely, and I hope you find the desire to put yourself first and make the purchases that allow you to feel good and keep moving.
    63 days ago
    Instead of listing the negatives, I think it might be better for you if you were to focus on the good things in life. Focusing on the positives will attract more positive energy.

    I think the majority of folks are feeling out of sorts because of the pandemic. I know I was until I began to focus my attention elsewhere.

    Last month I started calling my friends and little by little they started calling me back. I have quite a few old friends, as in, we've been friends for 30+ years, and I moved away from my hometown 18 years ago and we've definitely lost touch. I don't count Facebook posts as "being in touch."

    It's pretty nice to re-connect and hear those familiar voices on the phone. Hearing my lovely friends' voices on the phone, IMO is paramount to getting back in touch with what's really important in life - connection to other wonderful human beings!
    63 days ago
    I hope you have a good holiday despite everything! I am struggling with some mild depression right now and I know it's because I am not see other people regularly as I live alone. I am getting very lonely and working out ways to connect with people safely when I can. Going to see family this week and looking forward to it, but I will have to quarantine for 2 weeks when I get home which will be dreadful. I hope I do okay. I will be thinking of you.
    65 days ago
    Your painting looks like it was complicated-great work!

    I'm so glad you know to look ahead a bit, and know this moment will pass and better moments are upcoming. Take good care! (We need a brussels sprout emoji!)
    65 days ago
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