this past week....and last

this past week I can say that I have been really struggling due to what happened last Friday......and I am not sure I really want to post it in any real detail..... so for now I'm not. I am okay, but I am pissed off because I should have taken action earlier, but I didn't... maybe because I thought it would get better, change or something... now I am stuck for now having to deal with this person yet again due to this crisis......and I think it has lead to some of those behaviors getting back in or trying to get back in. I am just mad at myself.

I do have a plan to start making those changes this coming week...to help remedy the situation...but it won't be instantaneous....as I will have to wait....it's just part of the process...I know this...but I should have done this quite sometime ago.

The other thing I am just picking on myself...because while I have lost weight... I haven't gotten any leggings yet... and I had promised myself I would a while back. Either I can't make up my mind, I don't feel that I deserve them or I just don't feel I should get them now...as of last week.. Some more unexpected bills will probably put off that purchase a little while longer...

on to other subjects.. I am trying to decide what to do for the holidays.. should I do a challenge.. should I focus on maintaining vs...the potential gain which I could have.
I haven't even gotten on the scale due to this past week.. and well it has also been shark week... so no sense in it.... my weight will automatically be up and with my eating this past week... I fear I would just become more down on myself.

I know I need to get back on...then put my head back into the sand... It's just a number..but I still put so much weight on that number. I have other NSVs. I know I am just in a mood today...

The holidays are hard... the anniversary of my Grandmother passing is coming up in a couple of days...And while there isn't as much pain from this...as the years have gone by... this year especially I am so yearning for family connection... and it so hard given the current situation. It was so hard not being able to go see mom this year. It isn't easy for anyone.

I did put of the Christmas decorations.. The earliest I have done in years. I just needed to do it I think. This year has been so awful, in some sense, but a blessing in other ways. I'm going to have a nontraditional meal for Thanksgiving. I am making some healthy beef stroganoff with some sauteed brussel sprouts on the side. I want something relatively no muss, no fuss... Over the past several years, I have done cornish hens and the assorted sides...but I just don't want to mess with it, this year. There will also be some cranberry sauce...that my roommate will make... once I made the homemade cranberry sauce... she couldn't believe the difference between the processed and homemade... so she is probably going to make that...

There will of course be pumpkin pie... can't not have Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie. Well, it would be really hard.

I finally finished the owl rhinestone painting... I decided this type of crafting is not really for me... I don't know if I will do another one of these. I have try to iron out those wrinkles some more and then this week get it framed so I can get it in the mail for Christmas.



that's all for now. thanks for reading.