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We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it!

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

As though I was waking from a nightmare, the fog begins to lift, slowly my eye's begin to open! I feel as though I have been in a ten round prize fight and in the tenth round have been knocked out and am slowly coming too! My head is aching, body is aching, I feel nauseous and a trembling inside as though I have a nerve disease. Then reality hits me right between the eyes and I realize it's just another day as I reach for the button on my alarm clock that was ringing in the background.
Then the squirrel cage begins to turn, first I try to figure out which day it is, do I have to go to work? Is it the weekend? Does it really matter? Soon I realize that it is a week day, which day it is doesn't really matter, as I stated before it's just another day. I begin to create my day of doom and gloom, I know for a fact that my boss will be an asshole, he always is, and there is no possible way that my co-workers will do things according to my plan, but why would they? Take a good look at my plan, something I never took time to look at, I was too busy creating everybody else's day instead of concentrating on my own. Yes I created my own prison, building up walls of disillusion. The fact is that my crutch had broken many years ago and left me hobbling along with no direction. So the wall went up, no one in and I couldn't get out.
Well here I lay and my feet haven't even touched the floor, yet my day has been created and my life is a mess. I make my way to the shower and ready myself for the battle that I am about to face. I put on the coffee and reluctantly open the freezer door and reach in the back for the water bottle that is filled with vodka, open the fridge and grab myself a beer. I pour a shot and walk out the sliding glass door and close it behind me. I proceed to open my beer and make my way back inside, you see if I pop the top in the house the wife will hear it, it's only 06:00 in the morning. I take my shot and chase it with a beer. Most days I have another, before pouring my cup of coffee.
I pull into the driveway after another day of gloom and misery, just how I had planned it prior to my feet hitting the floor this morning. I make my way in the house , get a shower, grab a beer and sit in my recliner. I do not eat much dinner and complain about it, my wife can never do anything right! I Spend the remainder of the evening with either a glass or can in hand, after all alcohol is the mortar that helped build my prison wall.
Suddenly I come too with a feeling of wetness all in my lap, yes once again I have dosed off and my drink has ended up in my lap. I gather myself up, clean up the mess and head to the bedroom and get into bed, prior to passing out I tell myself over and over again, I'm not going to drink tomorrow!
That was a day many moons ago, and the wall is coming down, we practice progress and not perfection, there are still demons to fight, today I have a higher power to help me on my way, today I live one day at a time with an attitude of gratitude and a full and thankful heart!

I haven't had a drink today and I'm not mad about it!
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