Losing Weight in a Pandemic
Friday, February 05, 2021
Well I have to say this year has been the hardest on my weight loss journey. I find myself binge eating snack and eating whatever the hell I want. It is really taken a toll on me. I have gained back 20 pounds. This pandemic and the lockdown and quarantined are killing. I still work out. I lost my job. I got a new job. I am not nearly as active as I was at my old job. So many things have happened to me in a year. If you would have told me back in 2019 when I started my weight loss that 2020 was going to be this way I honestly probably would not have even started my dieting. I would have used this as an excuse to not exercise or not eat right. I have struggled more this year 2020 I mean than any other year that I can remember. I feel horrible for the weight gain. I am desperately trying to get it off all while being stressed and stress eating a lot. I know most people say don't even have sweets in your house. Well I have a son and he is 16. He likes snacks from time to time. I usually don't eat his snacks. It is my snacks. I really just need to stop buying them. I just feel right now that with as crazy as everything is I really should be cutting myself a little slack. Then I binge eat 3 or r handfuls of peanut butter m and m's. I have to get strict with myself again. There is no other way. I have worked hard and I have struggled to get here and beyond. I need to do better. So many people say cut yourself some slack. I have cut myself enough slack. I want to be where I was weight wise. I want to do the right thing and get this weight off. I need to feel in control again. This whole 2020 I don't think I ever felt in control of anything. I have learned so much about myself. I was a workaholic. I am not anymore. If I need to take time I am going to and not stress about it. Although that only goes with work. If I don't work out of I don't journal in the morning my whole day is a mess. I find this was the one thing I could control in lockdown. Even now a year after the pandemic started things are still closed. My favorite restaurant went out of business because of this pandemic. So many other businesses are going under. So much has changed. Our lives are forever changed because of this. I am trying hard and yet I feel totally out of control. I started a new job in November. Because of the lockdown and quarantine I am just finishing my training and getting somewhere with the company. Things are rough right now. I am trying but I feel I am not trying hard enough. I am not sacrificing enough. I am not enough. I am struggling and I am back in therapy and I am trying to navigate this new normal. I don't know if this is even the new normal. Are we always you g to have to wear masks. I will if I have to. I want to keep people safe. I care about people. What I don't like are the not being able to visit family and not being able to spend time woth my friends. I miss that. We are trying to have our own little bubble of friends that are safe. So that we can at least go visit them. Some things are working and some are not. A couple of my friends are just going everywhere. I mean they wear a mask but they travel all over our state visiting people. They are feeling that they are no longer going to let them pandemic hold them back. I am still afraid. Hence the binge eating almost every night. I was 167 pounds. I am now 182. I need to get back to where I was. There is just no other choice. I have to do it. No one will probably even read this blog but it was nice to finally put my feelings out there. I have wanted to for a long time. Now I am actually doing it.