Wednesday, March 03, 2021
It was a Tuesday night, July 12, 2011, this was my third Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, it was a beginners meeting. The chairperson was Bobby G. and he decided to have a meeting on change. I sat confused, angry, unsure, and just hopeless! I listened as the people shared their experience, strength and hope on the topic of change. I was a bit rattled when Bobby G. called my name and asked if I would like to share, what in the world did I know about change? I had read the 12 steps and 12 tradition posters hanging on the wall and was already uncertain about this program, I saw the word God and at this time was still agnostic. I introduced myself as David and as an alcoholic, I was really just following suit, I wasn't truly convinced at this time that I was an alcoholic. I remember saying that I was afraid of change, that I didn't know what I was going to do on my birthday, or Christmas, or at parties or any occasion that meant drinking. That's when I realized every day was an occasion to drink, I exclaimed what am I going to do tomorrow, I remember some of the people laughing, although the physical allergy had left me immediately, the mental obsession was right there! As I rambled on of how my life had become a mess and that I was tired of living this way, I did not know how to change. The more I thought of how unmanageable my life had become the more honest I was with myself. I remember breaking down and crying like a child after rambling on for a few moments, before ending what at this time was my experience ,strength and hope, all three day's of it! I was alone, afraid, and hopeless when I walked in that meeting at 08:00, I left with a little hope, thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous it saved my life! I have sat in many a meeting and saw that same person, the person that I had become, share with others the same pain I felt that night, this always reminds me of what happened , what it was like and what it is like now.