SP Premium


Is it really the holidays already?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

What a year it has been. And it's flown by so fast. Is it really the end of the year already? Are the holidays really upon us?

(Note: after re-reading this blog I see that is has turned into a piss and moan session for me. So don't feel obligated to read on. I just needed to vent!)

I haven't started feeling the spirit of it all just yet. The holidays this year have lost their luster for me. I'm just not feeling it!! Does this make me a bad person? A humbug of sorts?

My family is all spread all over the USA and it's hard to get together. Hubby's parents have passed on. We have a daughter in Alaska and one near by. But they have grown and are now coming into their own lives. Not much time for the folks any more. W/ new extended families these kids have to spread themselves out with the parents and step parents and the families of their significant others, I know it stressful on them too. So this year we find ourselves alone, just the hubby and I for Thanksgiving. No sense in cooking a huge traditional dinner for just us. Hubby plans to hunt all day anyway.

Maybe I'm just feeling lonely, a bit sorry for myself. (self pity really is very unbecoming) I hear of all the preparations my friends are making to be w/their families. I'm stuck w/just myself. Yea, sounds like a self pitying humbug to me!!! Although if I look back at the year that has passed, I really don't have much to be humbugish about. Yea there have been some down times, but the up times should have cancelled those out. Don't ya think?

A look back at my year...
I started a new job at the beginning of the year. For the same company, just at a different location. One that brought us closer to home. One that gave us lots of working hours. Enough overtime to afford us the money to build our dream home. That's a good thing!!!

We struggled with the bank to get the loan to build the house. We interviewed several contractors. All coming in a bit to high for the banks liking. It did not look like we were going to make it happen. But a family member stepped in and said the he and his buddies could build our house to our budget. WOO HOO! we are getting our house. Any one that has built a house knows it's anything but woohoo. It is exciting and stressful at the same time. It is moving along but not to the point of where we want to be... Patience humbug lady, patience! I'm trying!... If all goes well from this point on, we may be moving in around February. That's good too right?

With the new job came complications with a semi old foot injury. A lot of time on my feet has caused pain. Pain that will never leave because the injury went un-cared for for too long and will never heal right. My own fault, I'll deal. And I do without much complaining. It's just hard some days.

Than the bad mammogram and a biopsy the year before. Good news, no cancer. Lets check it again in six months. ( brought us to this year) "Oh we've found some more areas that are questionable, we will have to check again in six more months". Now that made for a long six months wondering. BUT it all turned out well. "Everything looks stable and there have been no changes". WHEW! Now that's good news!

Hubby had back surgery in oct. Did not go well for him. Complications that kept him in the hospital more than he was out for the month of October. Worry, worry, worry! I missed a lot of time from work. I worked long hours when I was there. I got very little sleep. I ate on the run and felt like crap for it. But what could i do. I had to care for my man!! It took it's toll! That part is now over. But now that he feels better, he thinks he is invincible and has not followed the doctors orders AT ALL. AND he can't understand why is still has so much pain!!! MEN!! Any one that know me knows I have to voice my opinion to him. BUT It just makes me a nag!! So I have tried to wash my hands of it, bite my tongue and try not care! I think what tics me off the most is that because of his ignorance the surgery may not have "took". We will see in December when he has his follow-up with the doctor. IF he screwed it up because of his stubbornness, than all of this crap we went through was for nothing. AND the medical bills that we have already paid and the ones that are sure to come, will be a waste of our money!!! Money that could be used to build this house! To add insult to injury he is off work for at least six months. So I have to work my hindend off to keep up on the bills. Does this sound selfish on my part for thinking this way? Who knows? It does put a strain on our marriage at times.

Those are just the big things. The things that have really put a bee in my bonnet. Add all the small things in and it has put me in a funk! I know I should concentrate on all the good that has happened this year and let go of all the crap. It's easier said than done. But I will, as a good friends says, (try to) Keep my eye on the prize! I just need to get through this holiday. A better year is bound to come.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Tracey, my very dear sister, I'm so sorry you are struggling with these emotions right now. I know it has been such a roller coaster for you this past year. I need to share this 'thought' I read 2-3 months ago..."It's okay to have a 'self-pity' party. Just don't forget to flush when you are thru!"

    That being said, go ahead and get all these feelings out...if writing this Blog wasn't enough, go ahead and write ALL your feelings down on paper, and, when you are thru, either shred the paper, burn it, or tear it in little bitty pieces, and get rid of it. Then, knowing my sister Tracey, you'll be ready for anything that comes your way.

    I love you and I'm here if you need me!
    4219 days ago
    Tracey, I feel so gulty for just happening upon your blog....so sorry I haven't been there for you. I'm here now though so if you ever feel the need to vent, scream or punch someone (I'll let you use Rocky as a punching bag) let me know, I will be here for you!
    Love you Sister.....((((Tracey)))) emoticon
    4220 days ago
    Tracey girl! Call me ANYTIME that's what sisters are for :) I'm thinking about you today especially - xxxx
    4221 days ago
    Aww, Tracey, I so understand your space right now. I’ve been through hell with my family this year and was looking at being alone as a bad thing, but it doesn’t have to be. I echo everything Linda has said, and I’ve got more tips for brightening your mood.

    1. Let friends and colleagues know you'll be alone for Thanksgiving and would like to be included in some of their activities. Or, cook your favorite dinner, light a fire, curl up on the sofa and watch a feel-good video. Perhaps you can “adopt an orphan” like a friend you haven’t seen for a while, a new colleague at work, or an elderly neighbor who would otherwise be alone.

    2. Start a project! Build a dresser, start a scrapbook or write a novel. Start a hobby like sewing or playing the guitar. Maybe you can purchase a pre-holiday gift for yourself and learn how to do something new. Don’t dwell on the negative aspects of solitude, do something useful and productive. That way, even when the holiday is over, you’ll have something that you can enjoy.

    3. Get out of the house! Just because it’s the holiday doesn’t mean that you can’t plan an adventure. Go to a museum, have a picnic at the park or go see a movie. Anything that takes you away from an empty house will lift your spirits.

    4. My favorite...Indulge Yourself! If you enjoy reading a book while taking a bath and sipping a chilled glass of Chardonnay, let that be your own private treat. You can also bake your favorite goodies, paint your nails, give yourself a facial, rent videos that you liked when you were a kid, or purchase an armload of new books to enjoy in front of the fire.

    5. Volunteer! If you’ve always wanted to help out at the SPCA or serve breakfast at a homeless kitchen, give it a whirl. Nursing homes always need someone to read to them or visit. Not only will you have a new way to fill your time, but you’ll also have the satisfaction of doing something for others. OK, so your hubby is going to be hunting and you don't have a big family meal planned, distract your aloneness by helping others.

    6. One of my favorites – grab a sketch book (or buy one) and head outside. Drawing, even if you think you can’t, makes you see the world in a whole new way.

    Try to carve out time for something you want to do -- something that's meaningful to you. Yes, you’ve counted your blessings, now stop dwelling on the “holiday” per se and enjoy YOU!
    Love ya, doll! Karen
    4222 days ago
  • ARIAL61
    Awwww Tracey! Before you even blogged I knew what you'd be posting. I've been thinking about you and the long hours, the ups and downs of the past year, the blessings and the hardships. It can be hard to count those blessings when you're drained physically and emotionally (not to mention having to deal with hubby who has reverted back to a teenager!). I do know where you're coming from with the children who have their own families, step families and extended families. It certainly changes things.

    You may be alone on Thanksgiving but that doesn't mean you have to be lonely. Plan how you want to spend your day. Make some phone calls to the family so you'll at least feel close to them. Maybe you could use the spare time to think about the upcoming move. Is there something you can start doing now to make the preparations later easier? Your mom is coming for a visit, maybe you could plan a Thanksgiving dinner of sorts for while she's there. That being said, if you're not doing a big dinner for just you and Brad, at least make one or two of your favorites. It'll make you feel more festive.

    I don't mean to be Ms. Fix-it, but I've spent a few Thanksgivings alone so I'm just trying to help a little and offer some suggestions that helped me.

    Now, here's what I made my kids do when they would get all down and humbuggy. Get your pen and paper and write down every blessing that God has bestowed upon you. Past and present. Don't quit writing til you get to 100. Bet it'll be easier than you think. :) emoticon emoticon
    4225 days ago
    It's amazing the difference a year makes! Embrace now - since you can't change the past and you can't live in or predict the future.
    4225 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.