WHY, WHY, WHY do I think I am not worth anything at times?????? So, I found out that I don't sing tomorrow night until about 10:00 at night, the first thing I did was send out a note to everyone and say, You know, it's a work night and I don't want anyone to feel obligated to go, etc. Which is true, I don't want them to feel obligated but why am I discouraging people to go? Why do I feel I'm not worth the trip to Belltown in Seattle? I know it's a pain in the butt to go and park and sit through 4 or 5 other singers but you know this is a big deal for me. People spend money going to the movies, shopping, going out to eat in downtown Seattle, they can come and hear me sing. I also know that I am making excuses for people who I know won't come. I am mad at myself for doing that too. I don't like to inconvenience non-caring people. I try to make it easy on them. Instead of making it easier on these people, I need to get them out of my life. If my "friends" don't want to come and hear me sing then I think there might be something wrong. I know that I would do whatever I could to see them perform or anything they have that is special. Now, I know that people have other plans or don't have the money to do a lot of those things but it just irks me when they have a lot of money and would rather sit home and watch TV than coming out to see me perform.
But you know, I have always been like that, I need to confess something, there are times when I am on a crowded elevator and people want to get home that I go all the way down to the bottom floor then ride back up to my floor just not to inconvenience people that they have to make a stop on the elevator. I know, that is pretty pathetic.
I won't plan any parties anymore because I don't want to be embarrassed that no one will show up. I'm tired of being around inconsiderate people that always put me last. I think this is why I don't date anymore, I just don't want to deal with someone else in my life that treats me like I don't really matter that much.
God, I remember when I was married and there were times I wouldn't look people in the eyes because I was soooo huge that I didn't even think I was a person, I thought I didn't matter, my opinion didn't count. It just makes me so angry.
Okay, okay, I need to let that go. So, when I start feeling less than human, I actually put my iPod in and play some fun, great song, maybe some Adele or Bee Gees, or some 80s music. Anyway, something that makes me put my head up high, sashay my big butt down the street and look everyone in the eye and smile as I pass by. I am worth it and if people don't think I am, well, I will not make them a priority. It's like the saying, Never make someone a priority when they consider you an option. Truer words were never spoken.
OKAY, so I am just going to post things and not discourage people if they want to come, I am worth it, I would do the same for them. I hope I don't sound too whiny, but I need to keep my head up high and always walk like I have a song in my head.