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It's been a long time...

Sunday, March 03, 2013

I can't believe it has been so long since I posted a blog...so much has happened in these months...

I guess a lot of what was bogged up inside of me was my true acceptance of who I am...makes sense to see how over the years I continually sought out approval of others since I couldn't accept the feelings I had inside my own self.

As I updated my sparkpage the other day, I just decided to be totally honest and come out with the truth...I have always believed that honesty is the best policy. Unfortunately, I was truly unaware of the feelings I was having...for so long, I didn't allow myself to have them, so can't think I was being 'dishonest' with myself.

A couple of weeks ago, as I was talking to a friend, I mentioned that I was sort of upset with myself for not realizing about my own sexuality sooner...because looking back now, there have been signs all along that I just kept pushing to the wayside. She gave me a great analogy that I will forever hold dear...she said, to have that angst against myself would be like taking a walk down a city street, coming around a corner and seeing a marvelous rainbow...if one gets on themselves and says...I am so angry that I didn't see the rainbow before, that would be silly as one was not in the right place to see it at all..however, when you come around the corner and see the rainbow, instead you stop, take a good look, then just embrace and appreciate the scene before you...actually, I've elaborated a little on the details and it really makes even more sense today than it did when she told me...Sooo...I am embracing and appreciating the rainbow in my view...(Rainbow is also a good vision of where I am heading!)

Needless to say, this realization has brought about many changes rather quickly...once I accepted it and told my husband and marriage counselor, we decided to divorce and have been on that path since December. I am in a new relationship with a woman I've know for over two years and have loved since I met her, but it has now moved to another level...I am happier than ever and we are going to be roommates beginning on April 1st...we just signed a lease yesterday on a house in town...we are both excited to move into Westcliffe from out of town...there will be lots of walking and bike riding to commence!

I also noticed when I updated my page, a quote about being happy, healthy and wholly accepted by myself...the questions were there, and now I am happy to say, I am happy and thouroughly accepted by myself...feels so good to be comfortable in my own skin, at last! Still working on the healthy part but also feel like it is just around the corner with my new outlook on life...

Anyway...just wanted to put a little bit of news out there with a little detail for some of my sparkfriends who used to follow my blogs when they were more consistent...

Love and peace to all...may you find comfort in who you are...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    3033 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    I hope it's okay that I just KNEW there was something bubbling in there that you seemed to need to keep private-- even from yourself? It's still a tough world, but I'm tickled that things are moving in a happy direction and that the the "space" is there. emoticon
    3034 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8667808
    How wonderful! I believe that rainbows are brighter when we're ready to see them. If you tried to force yourself to see rainbows before you were ready, they would have looked dim, or asymmetrically curved or something. Enjoy getting to know your new self! I'm excited for you:)
    3034 days ago
    Welcome back
    3034 days ago
  • CAMAEL100
    Very happy for you. There is no 'right' time to realize things. Glad you have found happiness and contentment now.

    3034 days ago
    I'm soooo happy for you my friend! Peace and love I send to you both! Enjoy your new home! I'm so happy to see you blogging and hope to see more when you have time! I'm inspired when I see your binge free days being logged here. emoticon
    3034 days ago
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