A Long Time Coming "AHA" Moment!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Of course last night was an usual night for me-I couldn't sleep--I think my mind doesn't want to shut off. Wouldn't it be great to have an on and off switch! So after finally getting my normal 3-3/12 hours of sleep, I was wide awake and decided to have myself my very own "Pity Party".
I started thinking about something that happened to me yesterday and although I know I did the right thing, I was still upset a little about it. For the last few years, I've been whining about wanting to be Number One in someone's life. The couple men I associate with may be single, but they have families, so there goes my number one position. I do have friends that love me, but again, their families are always first, as it should be. And being alone, having no children, therefore no grandchildren, I have no chance to be first in anyone's life.
So boohoo for me. I'll never feel like I'm good enough to be the most important person in anyone's life. Then I thought "aha"! I always have God and even though there are many of us, He lets us know that we will always be number one in His life. That thought consoled me--somewhat.
But then again, I had another thought. Who is the one person that is and always will be there for me, that I can completely trust even with my darkest secrets and maybe a few shady things from my past. Who will never judge me or talk behind my back about me. Instead, just love me unconditionally? Me, myself and I !! I have never thought of this before, because I find it very hard to love myself. Oh, don't get me wrong, there are a few things that I am very happy that God has given me. But, if I really, truly, loved myself, would I have let this happen to my body? How is it that the Lord gave me a beautiful temple and I destroyed it.
So, as of today, I am going to start to learn how to love myself. I will be good to myself by eating the right things and probably a few of the wrong things, but I am going to rebuild this temple. I will never have to worry again that I am not number one in someone's eyes, because I'll be number one in my own eyes.