Monday, March 25, 2019
In 2016, I weighed the most I had ever weighed in my life. I had doctors telling me I was putting my health at risk and jeopardizing my chances of healthily having children. I disliked how I look and felt. This was all a wake up call that spurred me to join SparkPeople and use it religiously.
I lost 36 pounds. (Yay!) I felt amazing, mentally and physically. For the first time in my life, I felt physically fit. Clothes looked better. I slept better.
In 2017, I went into maintenance mode for a while. I was getting married, and the wedding dress had to fit without falling off of me. I was convinced I would keep going right after the wedding. One excuse after another led to me never really getting as serious and eventually falling off. Six weeks of bronchitis in the midst of moving homes was the final nail in the coffin that was my regular routine.
In 2018, I was convinced I would at least maintain what I had lost. What's an extra 5 pounds? That's nothing. At least I'm still in the 230s. I can live with that. Oh, now I'm in the 240s? That's not quite as good, but I suppose as long as it's under 245... Hmm, my blood pressure seems to keep measuring higher than it used to though.
Here I am in 2019, all 257 pounds of me. 32 pounds gained, mostly in the last 6-12 months. I dislike how I look. I have lots of attractive clothes that do not fit. I'm tired. I ache. I get out of breath again. And now I might have high blood pressure.
But this is not a pity post.
This is a confession so that I can feel like I've come clean with myself. This is a cautionary tale for myself if I start to slip again and anyone that needs to hear it.
I will lose this weight again and even more this time because I am sick of how I feel. Because now that I have been working out again, I remember how much I ended up loving going to the gym. Because I want to wear that green dress again that looked so good on me. Because I want to live the longest life possible with my husband.
In 2019, I have tracked my food and stayed within my calorie goal for 13 days straight. I have exercised 4 days in the last week. And I will weigh in tomorrow night to see if any of that has made a difference yet.
By 2020, if I have any control in the matter, I will no longer weigh over 200 pounds. Wouldn't that be a sight to see...