Happy New Year 2021!
2020 has been a difficult and tough year for all of us but we figured out how to adjust our daily routines to cope with all the changes in our lives. Yes, we succeeded, learned how to survive, and life goes on as we start making plans on the first day of the new year in 2021. Any Predictions? Resolutions? Thoughts?
In my own little world, I hope 2021 will bring me some long awaited answers. I have many questions and thoughts. My life has been disrupted since November when I fell and injured my back. I am slowly recovering but it has been a long journey back to get to living pain free and I am still not there yet...
In my past, I’ve always tried to live life with a positive and optimistic attitude, be physically, emotionally, and spiritually strong, fix things that are broken (both in body & spirit & the house, too) and live a life so when I put my head on the pillow to sleep at night, my heart is light and worry free because I believe I did the best I could on that day.
All of that mindset is being challenged right now. Thankfully, my pain level is managed and controlled with limited activity. But, my physical injury & the recovery period have interfered with my thoughts & usual daily exercise that was an important part of my life every day. My body liked moving and I felt energetic. I felt alive and exercise was a tool in my weight management plan.
The physical pain triggers negative thoughts and uncertainty. I think about the pain causing negative emotions, especially anger and worry. Ungrounded fears of the future come to mind. My worst thoughts are this may become chronic lower back pain that cannot be fixed, it will not go away, it will always be with me, and this will go on forever and this will be my new life. It is scary and I don’t like thinking that way but the negative thoughts are there....
I read someplace that “Chronic pain has a way of radically changing a person’s life; even those with strong self-esteem and coping skills can struggle. For some, the most difficult blow comes when they can no longer do things connected to their identity.”
Everything in my life has either slowed down or it is not happening or getting done. I’ve done a lot of thinking about my “needs” vs my “wants”. I’m fortunate that all my needs are taken care of and are under control and I can continue to live an independent life which is very important to me. My “wants” list is long but the tasks on that list are not “mission essential” and can wait until some time later in the future.
I have forced myself to think long term about my injury instead of only focusing on today. But, it is difficult to wait patiently and wait day by day for another 24 hours to pass. I continue to remind myself that “Even this, too, shall pass”. I have a hope that one morning I will wake up and suddenly the pain is gone. Living pain free will feel like a miracle! Until that time, I keep telling myself to accept, respect, trust and believe. I’m grateful to be alive, able to walk, and hopeful for the future.
I strive to keep my blogs uplifting and positive, but today the tone is definitely sounding more somber and sober but I don’t want it to come across and be understood as gloomy or pessimistic. I also don’t want it to be what we used to call a “pity party”. I sense a feeling of relief as I share all of these thoughts. As always, I continue to think that “Hope springs eternal”.
I’m keeping a single white Christmas candle in my kitchen window glowing in the darkness as a simple reminder to me of “HOPE”.
All of us need a sense of hope in these challenging times. Wishing you good health, peace, and blessings in 2021.