there is something so empowering about changing who you are from the inside, out.
I am nowhere near "arrived" at my destination but I am thrilled about this person I have become.
I have maintained my weight loss for over a couple of years now. I don't count calories and have just recently gotten back into real exercise.
I have had to work hard to be this new person... yes. But I also worked very hard being a binge eater.
It was hard work to be constantly beating myself up and embarrassed of what I looked like. It was hard work to go to sleep each night feeling so, SO disappointed in myself, when my intention was simply to not let food control me... and within hours... it did.
I talked a good game. Occasionally I believed myself. Yet I never, in my heart, thought I could overcome the habits I've been practicing since I was a teenager.
I write this... in awe. Not because I want to brag. Well.... maybe I do want to share my happiness about it.....but also because... I want to encourage.
IF I COULD DO IT, SO COULD YOU.
The biggest hurdle is, I think.... you must be ready. You must hurt SO MUCH that you realize that the foods you are addicted to are not worth it. NOT EVEN "in the moment". You need to want peace THIS much. This is all about the mind, and not about the scale.
I was hurting too much. It was too hard to keep bingeing. And I was bingeing so much toward the end that my life was truly out of control.
I went on WW. I found it quite liberating since no foods were "not allowed". It worked for me. I lost my weight. And then I got rheumatoid arthritis and my rheumatologist mentioned the Mediterranean Diet, and I hopped on that "food as medicine" train by the time I left her office, quite literally. Though I do still take medicine as well to deter the progression of my disease.
That was February 20, 2020. What a year it has been... for ALL OF US! Life gets turned on its head.
I had pain.. and a new mission. And I sit here smiling because the one thing I have not had to give up was my great love for food. To see my grocery cart brimming with colorful fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, luscious nuts.... I can't describe the feeling. To still be able to cook and to bake, things I really love doing.... the Mediterranean Diet has not deterred me from that in the least.
It is a jumble of peace, of gratitude. Of the knowledge of a job well done that I have to keep on doing for the rest of my life.
I just KNOW that I am making myself healthier.
My weight is stable. My cholesterol is down 85 points. I believe that with my healthy eating I can stave off many if not all of the new variables that come with my type of arthritis, like the fact that it raises my chance of a heart attack by a whopping 50%. Like that I am two to three times more likely to suffer from depression.
And you know what? Despite our Covid climate. Despite the terrible hit on my husband's office because we were closed down for three months and so many patients are still so scared. Despite my emotions about my daughter, who is dealing with infertility. Despite it all.... I know that my healthy eating is keeping my mood up. I am CERTAIN of it.
You may think this blog is about me. And of course, it is, since this is my own personal story.
Yet this blog is also about you.
It's about today possibly being the day that you say, "no more". No more pain of trying and feeling like a failure. No more being controlled by junk food. Call me mean but I DON'T CARE IF IT'S HARD FOR YOU!
....because it's already hard. You are ALREADY suffering. So choose to suffer in a different way.
I have little to no cravings anymore.
I feel free.
I want you to feel it too.
Gentle hugs. Fight the good fight. You are worth it, I swear you are!!