Balance is hard to achieve.
Wednesday, May 12, 2021
I've been having a hard time lately. I couldn't get warm no matter what, pain and fatigue increased, weight wasn't going anywhere, I was more depressed. I thought I understood why things were happening to me, but I started withdrawing.
I finally got so depressed I didn't want to wake up tomorrow, so I talked to my husband and my safety net. I also went to my doctor. I've learned over being sick so long, not to "pull up your bootstraps", but instead to see if there really is something going on. It's so easy when you're in pain all the time, and sick all the time, to think it's just the normal stuff, but sometimes it isn't.
It ended up that my thyroid meds were WAY off, and we'd taken the tests within the last 6 months. There were a lot of things going on in my life that might have caused a shift, or it could have just happened, but I'm so glad I talked. I only wish I hadn't been so stubborn the last few weeks. It could have been solved much sooner. The lesson here is to ALWAYS listen to your body, don't try to power through things without feedback.
Stubbornness, determination, never giving up on yourself, it all has a place, but sometimes you can be blind to other things going on. I've always thought those qualities are why I've stayed alive against a lot of bad odds, but taken too far, well, enough said.
We adjusted my meds, and I got a small shot of steroids to bring down the inflammation. I hate that, but I'm alive to gripe about it, as the doc says. I feel better today, already, and now the challenge will be to NOT overdo it because of the steroids. I am handling it much better now that I know that it has a REAL cause, I have a plan, and it's fixable.
I've been watching for diabetes because it's bad in my family and I eat well, but I looked at my weight over time and the last year things haven't been going well. I can look back and see the progress and it coincides with the events in my life when I quit taking care of myself and spent more time taking care of others. I don't regret that, but I do regret that I didn't understand what I was doing to myself while I did it. Balance is hard to achieve. Sparkpeople motivates me when they're not even trying, but I have to be responsible for myself and use the tools.